A sincere apology

I would love to say sorry. Sorry for dragging almost everyone in to this mess, for all the trouble I caused , for all the problems I gave , for all the headaches , for being so selfish and stupid , for not making things easier when I could. And also thank you. Thank you for all the tries to make things better , thank you for all the effort , thank you for all the trouble , thank you for even trying to search for me. This is for all the people that was involved. You know who you are. Sorry for everything. Sincerely , me

Throughout the shits ,

Dear boyfriend ,

yes it's you Haikal Hamzah :') It's only been 15 days and damn has it been bumpy as ever. You've been here with me through good and bad , thick and thin , sad and happy , tears and laughs. Everything. It's you, you're the one. This is all my fault , I made it this way. I should have listened to you in the first place. I know what I did was totally wrong. So I have to stay strong no matter what since I was the one who made it this way. I'm sorry for dragging you down with me , I'm sorry I caused you too much trouble, I'm sorry you had to take all the blame while it was actually all my fault , I'm sorry I let you down. But I also want to say thanks. Thank you for being patient with me , thank you for being calm with me , thank you for not leaving when shits happen , thank you for being here with me through everything , thank you for trying to make me go home , thank you for taking all the consequences, thank you for being the best , thank you for being strong , thank you for trying and giving your best shot to make this work. No way am I letting you go now , not ever. No way i'm going to let this end just like that. No way i'm going to give up now. I have to chin up and stay strong and hold on tight. All that's left for me to do now is to have faith in you , in us. Nothing left. In order to make this last , I have to hold on tight no matter what. We'll go through this right sayang ? :') Baby , you're the best I've ever had. I swear you made me feel brand new again. Even when I'm crying , you know exactly the right words to say so that I would smile again. When you're there with by my side , I just love how you grab my hand and won't let go till our hands sweat. I love how we have cute ways of making each other smile. Awak omey angat en en :) Anyonyonyo hihi. I sayang you weh , sumpah do sumpah do sumpah do :'( Remember what I said last night ? You're one hard headed retard lame pain in the ass chicken. But who the fuck cares? I don't. All that matters is that I love you whole heartedly. Just you, you as who you really are now. Don't ever change. You're mine now and always. Keep in mind. I love you Haikal Hamzah , everlastingly♥

Current addiction

What's there for me to talk about ? Hmmm let's start with Friday :)

Friday, 121110
I woke up and head to Azra's house early. There I sat down and talk with Afiera. About everything. Yes , literally everything. It's been ages since we last did that. And around 10am , the lovely boyfriend arrived :') Headed to Tasha's house to grab Azra's handbag and then the 2 girls wanted Nasi Lemak. Dropped them home and went to McDonald's drivethru with the one and only Haikal Hamzah♥ We headed to Section 12's Helipad after that. It was just great. Nothing exciting about the hill, but just knowing he's there with me , completed my day :') And that was just it.

Saturday, 131110

Woke up , woke Haikal up , spent talking to him for hours and hours . And that was just it :)

Sunday(today), 141110

Pretty much the same thing I did yesterday , lol

Yes as you can see , I spend my days mostly with ze boyfriend. Heh call me lifeless but who gives a fuck. At least he cares enough to stay with me day and night :) Everything is just fine for me . Just simply fine.

Less than three

I less than three you , enough said.

Whole hearted♥

After all the pain , after all the shits , after all the struggling , and after all the tears..

I'm finally back on my feet again :')

I hope he's worth the wait. I hope he's going to stay. I hope he's going to be the one♥

Dear loser ,
I think I've been gone through enough. Like seriously, enough. You showed up and lighten up everything. You came without a greeting. Without an invitation. You came only as a friend, and that's all you intended to be. And now.. you're my boyfriend. I don't dare to ask myself how it happened. I only thank God for letting it happen. I am surely thankful to have you, and I am damn proud to say that I own you. I've never thought I'd end up being inlove with a retard loser that laughs like a chicken. You are one of the most annoying pain in the ass yet lovable retard loser I've ever known. Thank you for your everlasting insults and teasing , but then again you know how to draw that smile on my face again :') Face it , I've gone all googlywiggly inlove with you Haikal Hamzah♥

08112010 ; 1.04am

I've been counting seconds ever since. You're the best thing I ever knew I needed :')

It's been a while

Holy Jizz, it's been almost 2 months since I last updated this dead blog of mine. Well let's just hope I keep updating more later. IF I don't laze around anymore hihi :)

What's been going on ? Pretty much this and that. Mostly shits but yeah I've made it through in one piece :) I say the same thing each time I update about my life , shits happen , what can I do ? That's just how it goes. Life's a bitch and then you die . Like it or not, you still have to face it. Get it? FACE. IT. Being emotional and fucked up is not something you should judge about someone, cause yeah, who are you to judge people's emotions ? Mood swings keep on coming every now and then , gahh fucking hate it. It's wrecking my thoughts with all these crappy negative thinking. Wish there was an 'Escape' button , tsk :/

Finals finally ended 2 weeks ago and bloody hell , my grades ain't prettayy. Ain't prettay at all man. I wish to burn my report card once I get it. Then again , pretty much am relieved I passed my addmaths hihi. Starting to search for tuitions already. Need to get them before January , so I wouldn't miss out on anything and I need to freaking revise all the form 4 topics. Interrrresting ... not really. I'll be turning 17 in 2 months and I can't believe how time pass by so fucking fast. Me and Aten were saying how it feels as if it was just yesterday we were having our vacation together after UPSR results 4 years ago. Damn. That fast. We're ending school in a year and then what happens next? Let's find out.

Oh guess what? Betrayal and cruelty is the newest trend now :) People bitch to get famous , bestfriends betray for their own happiness , boys / girls cheat to get a better looking person , and breaking hearts seems like a new game. Tafakkk ? When will there ever be peace and happiness in this world. *sigh

Sincerely,

Icky♥

Keep my heart beating

So this would be my first time blogging with my phone. Too lazy to get my ass up from this bed. Yeah, i'm a lazyass, so ?

I'm glad to say I got my girls back. A month passed and we're back together again. Alhamdulillah :) I've put my feet down, no more grudges. Ego should be pushed a side sometimes. Having haters is just about enough, hating would be too much. Agree?

On top all of that, I'm still a mess. Drama still chasing me, no matter how bad I run away. Hypocrites and twofaced are making me sick . They disgust me. Screw all of them. I'm better off without them.

Okay dah penat haha ttyl <3

Truth be told ,

I've lived for 16 years and I think I've been through just about enough. Just enough to figure out all kinds of humanbeing on this planet. And I'm starting to get sick of it.
There's this kind that enjoys watching people live in misery which bugs the shit out of me. Some would even kill just so someone would breakdown and cry. Some enjoys spending hours to judge about someone's past. And some just looooove putting someone's dignity down to the ground. It somehow entertains them in some kind of way that I can never understand. You could just sit around with a bunch of friends talking about your OWN past , see if you can do that instead. I bet you can't either , theres just some parts of your life that you just wish you could erase. Everyone has 'em , so why in the world are you minding someone else's life? I don't think it affect you in anyway. I've been there , done that and somehow I feel so stupid that I just wish I could realize all this earlier.
My life myself is a wreck so why should I mess up others? It doesn't benefit me , not even a bit. I should just sit down quietly and mind my own problems. Better yet , I should just waste time with my friends other than sitting around useless people that just wants to take advantage.
There's another kind that just loves to take everyone for granted. Somehow they just don't know how to appreciate. Every single deed someone has done for them , they just take it so easy and don't even bother about the effort nor sincerity. Some sort of heartless creep , I would say. Why is it so hard for everyone to treat everyone equally? Don't like them , doesn't mean you have to ruin their life. Ignore them , don't let them exist in your life , that's all. Easy as that.
All I can say is , you might enjoy all that fucked up heartbreaking and life ruining act of yours for now , but how would like it if it was you who had to go through all that? I bet it would suck real bad. So why the fuck do it if you would for sure hate it if it happened to you. Don't be a hypocrite. I'm not that nice , I'm not that perfect. But last time I checked , this is my blog. Yeah, my blog. So screw your comments , this is what I have to say.
Sincerely,Icky♥

Mentally and physically

What you did to me was unbelievably painful , although I kinda saw it coming but yeah somehow it poached my heart like way deep. Then again , why the hell am I bothering for such a typical douche ? Yes, I'm proud to say I'm over you. As much as I miss you forcing me to stay up and on the phone with you till dawn , I miss you reminding me you love me , I miss you making me feel secured , and what so ever you planned on doing to put me in such a shit hole , I still have to face the fact that I'll meet more boys like you who would have the exact same intention. Sure , I'll cry my heart out , feel like such an idiot and feeling so empty for a moment , but mark my words that I'll keep on standing. I won't fall and breakdown to pieces over something that happened to me more than just once.

Bottom line is , I'm stronger than you think I am.

I'm over you and hell yeah I'm on my way to better days♥

Time after time

It's been.... 2 months to be exact. Yes , 2 months of no blogging. I've been caught up with so many. As all you know , a month of Ramadhan has passed. And so did a week of Aidilfitri. Oh oh and also August Test :B

Ramadhan was okay , loads of obstacles I had to go through. LIKE A LOT (!) But Alhamdulillah I managed to go through all that , with some scars and bruises , mentally and physical. Seriously. And Raya was splendid! The whole family headed to Terengganu , and we spent every night at the beach and a day at the Sekayu Waterfalls. Don't mention the pictures , we had about 4 photographers in the family . Awesome right , I know HAHA I sound so lame. Blablabla exam was okay , I scored A for accounts woohooooo -.-

I'll write some more later , gotta go. Ttyl&hearts

Strike three , you're out!

Hello,

Well , please mind my previous post. I was just pissed. How stupid bitches can get these days. No , I am not saying I am entirely nice. I am not saying I am totally angelic. But to hell with it, I do not mingle with someone's boyfriend, you don't even know me. Stop assuming you do. I don't waste my life like you do. Creating a scene just to be noticed , pfth. I've done some damage every now and then , but I don't change my bestfriends like I change my clothes. That's the reason why they are even called bestfriend , cause we trust them and we don't accuse them anything. If you're the one that's been changing friends , look again , it's you that has issues. Not them , not me , not him , not her. Just you. Get it ? Stop seeking for attention. Call me a bitch , call me a whore , call me whatever you prefer. But who I am is who I will always be. Live with it , if you can't then go fuck yourself. You're only the third party in my life , you don't hold any important role. I don't need you :) So please stay the fuck away from me , you're creating too much scene , rimas tahu tak?

Hah okay whatever. Yesterday was a typical Saturday. Woke up early to help mama serve breakfast, well I do this only when papa's not around. I would always accompany her. That afternoon me , my sister and my mom felt like drinking smoothies and have some salad. So headed to Pizza Hut, it was just nice having to laugh and talk with them. Head home and Thariq called up saying he's picking me up. Around 9pm I took off to Ayang's place , for Arwah Abang Shahnaz's tahlil. Met Siti , Sya , Anis , Shidy and some other people. Arrived home around 12am , and somehow I fell asleep -.-

I met my fav boys too. I had fun , so much fun with them. Thanks again for coming all the way from Taman Tun , boys :)

What a day , I'd do anything to repeat last night. Let me be the only person that knows why.

Icky♥

I miss you , boy

*click for better view*

He was showing off , haha. But yeah , i miss him :')

Be done with it

Run , run as fast as you can. You're going to come to an end and you'll realize you wasted you're breath running away from something you can never avoid.

TRUTH.

Some say it's an option , some say it's acceptable , some say it causes a whole lot of pain. No matter what you say about it, it's still what it is. Some are better left unsaid , some are better spoken , some are better not knowing. But if it happens , no need to deny nor lie. You can't run anywhere.

Accept it. Swallow it. Face it. Be done with it.

Time will tell or tear everything apart.

Better yet, time will surely heal.

That's where the pain starts, waiting. Well, goodluck is all that's left to say.

You're back

Is it me you're looking for ? I want to tell you so much , I love you.

You came back. You actually did, right when I thought you never would. I'm going to give this another shot, I'm taking the risk. Cause it's you. You are you , no one else but you. That's why, stop asking. Let's make this ride as slow as we can, avoid any bumps in the way. Push away everything, it's just me and you. Truth be told , I miss you.

How life turns out

"It's funny how life turns out , the way that it does. We end up hurting the worst , the ones that we really love"

Hey hi ,

So I just came back from the school field. Was with Julie , but then I had to leave early. Something came up.

I now realize that we don't always get what we want , and things don't always happen the way it should. No matter how bad we hope for it , no matter how we hard we try , and even if you wish upon a star , it may not go the way you want it to. Note to self , prepare for the worst. That's the fact , don't bother denying. You're only fooling yourself.

I've hurt enough people, I've caused enough damage, I've tried more than enough and I've screwed up just about enough. I think I should just slow down, enough thrills. Then again, I'm better than I was before. I feel great , I feel a whole lot better infact. Knowing that I've made my parents have less headaches about me , and I can now mix in with my siblings again pretty much satisfy me. It's like I achieved something not only I've wished for , but also my family. Laugh all you want , or say whatever you want to say. I just want a brighter future, I think you should too. Living a life like this is not that bad , not bad at all.

I'm still breathing.

One day , when my school years are over , I'll think back of all the hard times and consequences. And then I'll say to myself that..

I SURVIVED & I WON.

The best satisfaction ever.

Icky♥

Happy growing older :)

Yes , last night was their celebration. Leppo's was on 7th July , Anep's is coming on 26th July and Sasa's next on 29th July. So they celebrated it all in one night. The barbecue wasn't all that , but somehow I had fun just being there with them .

There were people I barely meet these days. I was glad I had Aten , Ecah and Farah with me. I also met Zeyra, Adam, Sippy, Emir, Affiq, Rahman and the list goes on. It was nice. Although I didn't get to eat, thanks Omar for getting the drink for me and Affiq actually accompanying me all through the night.

Heading to curve later to meet up with Dider. Yes, that some sort annoying 2nd cousin of mine. Ladies , he is single. Definitely haha. Thinking of meeting up with them boys there in TTDI , but heck i know E is going to be there, so nevermind, i'll pass. Can't wait for school tomorrow. I miss ze girls already.

Icky♥

He said ,

The Fidot says:

hahaha . yeahh , i mean icky ,

fuck them laa , why bother what they think of you ?

dorang just third party that doesnt play any role in your life

Thanks Fidot :)

Not anymore

Don't you just miss back then in kindergarten ? Or maybe before you entered highschool life ? Well, I do. A lot.

When I was 4 , I went to some chinese kindergarten in Kajang. It looked like a castle , colorful castle that is. Huge , and a swimming pool on the rooftop. Think back , I have no idea why the hell I cried my ass off hugging my mom's leg, begging not to leave me. That place was a place any girl would ever wish for. But I was terrified somehow. With all the crowd , unknown people and having the thought of making friends. But then came up one sweet chinese girl. Her name is Mei Li Chua. She introduced her self and I was surprised when she held my hands and walked with me to class. She was my bestfriend. The only thing that ended our friendship was that I had to move to Johor. Not because of betraying. Not because of hypocrisy. Not because of some bitch or asshole. No, all that didn't exist in my life dictionary , not yet.

When I was 8, I settled down in Sabah. I was nervous for my first day. Thinking maybe I wouldn't fit in or maybe I wouldn't understand what they were saying. Well, obviously I was wrong. I was welcomed. Then a girl raised her hand to inform the teacher that there's an empty seat beside her. Her name is Maizatul Akma. Yes , her curly hair tied in a pony tail , really fair skin and real round eyes. She is my bestfriend. And again , the only thing that separate us was the fact I had to move here, Shah Alam. But the 2 years friendship lasts till today. In 2007 I went back to Sabah for a vacation. I could still remember her number. I dialed the digits then she picked up and surprisingly she recognized my voice. 4 years and she could still remember. I'm glad I still have her as a friend till today and I hope someday I would get to meet her again.

But as we grow up, all we aim for is to impress people. Finding the right shit to do so that we would fit in with the latest trend. We have to party all day , go out at night , and have an amount of friends so we would be labeled as cool. Like being average is some sort of a disgrace , like a humiliation. Then again, think back , who are we trying to impress? What is there for us to win? In the end it's all going to come to a huge amount of waste! Bitch and backstab just to impress people with all the cool gossips. Fake a scene so that people would notice. Trying to be on top so that people know you're keeping up with the trend. Tell me , and then what? Are all those people going to be the friends that would stick up to you through your shits? Would those people stand infront of a bullet for you? Fuck it, hell no. Being proud of the shits you do ain't bringing you anywhere. Sure, you smoke weed, drink alcohol everynight and you make people think your parents doesn't care you go out at night. Yeah, you think it's cool. Yeah, people say you're fun. But how long can you keep up with all that? Until when are you going to keep on impressing people? One day, the trend changes and what you're doing would seem like 'so-last-year'. And it goes all over again and again. What the fuck.

And trying to impress a boy/girl by being someone you are not, is not going to make that relationship last. Sweet talkers are every where and sex maniacs are also loitering around the world. Boys who just want to keep up his standards would look for a girlfriend with gorgeous looks without bothering who she really is. Girls who just want to keep up her standards would look for a guy that's rich , owns a car with a face that would melt even your mother even if he is an asshole. And they just come and go without even thinking how bad it would hurt someone. Again, we still have to IMPRESS. Damn it.

Somehow I wish i could be 4 years old again. I don't even understand the meaning of betray. I don't even know what a bitch is. I don't even know how a broken heart feels like. I didn't even know where babies came from. Most of all, I don't have to impress and satisfy any blood sucking hypocrites. It would be nice just to go back to that time. But then again..

Not gonna happen.

This is just my point of view, how I feel. No need to get offended or hating on this post. It's just a thought, get it ?

Icky♥

Oh no you didn't

Such strong words but then again useless piece of crap. I knew from the start you were up to no good. You only wanted to watch me fall again. Oh baby, you're so wrong. I'm still standing and I ain't chasing for you. Not anymore. You and you're up tight attitude can go to hell. Somehow I did love you again , somehow all the memories came back , somehow all that made me want to have you all the time , somehow it made me want to make this work. Sadly , it did. But you showed the real you. You showed what you are actually up to. Who am I kidding ? I miss you retard. I miss that person I thought you were. Take care.

Another typical asshole

I deleted several posts cause somehow I regretted posting them. A big amount of waste. I knew I shouldn't trust him in the first place. And like I said , I won't be crawling back to you, I'm done with that. Don't you dare say it's my fault , cause obviously I was the one who tried my ass off to make this work. Damn it.

Things has been going a little out of hand lately , but somehow I managed to go through all the hectic. Thank you friends that has been there all through out my grieve time. Nothing really happened. I guess it's just my thoughts are driving me up the wall. I've been having thoughts that I shouldn't be thinking about. Some sort of a cause to a major breakdown. I hate these thoughts , and I hate the fact that it won't bloody go away. No matter what I do , no matter what they say , I will still be going through the same shit. It's like at this one moment I'll be laughing my ass off with bunch of friends and the next I'll be sitting alone having thoughts I despise so much. Blahhh it's just another part of life , keep that in mind Icky. I'm okay. Not bad nor great , just okay. I keep yelling to my self " GET THE FUCK UP ICKY" and it somehow worked , well not for long that is. It's worth a shot.

Fuck this and that , I promised myself I'm on my way to better days. What the hell am I doing being all down and shits, I am a better me. Riight.

Icky♥