Back to time ,

Can we bring yesterday back around ?

I remember when i used to laugh and laugh all day long. Smile so wide like there's nothing wrong. Giggle at anything till my cheeks sore. But now all that is just no more. I can't have those feelings back. Everything seems out of track. When i fall i get back up , but now i prefer to stay on the ground. Everything i do seems wrong to everyone. Now i just wish all this guilt would just be gone. They stop looking at my deeds , they just keep looking at my flaws. Nothing i do seems right, all i can say is that i don't want to start a fight. All i can do now is back off and drift away from the crowd. But inside i just want to scream oh so loud. I want back the past, i don't want this feeling to last. No more tears and pain, i'm not going to be a sobber again. Raes said to me that this is not me, he said i should be stronger and stop being so lazy. I should get my ass back up and keep on fighting these thoughts. I should stop being someone i'm not. I don't stay down when these thoughts push me to the ground. I get back up on my feet and stop being so weak. And again, I told Raes that it's not that easy. If it is , i wouldn't be having all this mood swings. I just want back the time where i can laugh all day long and get crack without caring about what they say. And i want back those people who were always there for me all through the way. But somehow i think i'd just have to wait. No matter how long it takes. I'll be here sitting and waiting till the time comes, when i'm ready i'll get back up and RUN. That's my promise to everyone that told me to be the old me , all i have to do is just get back up on my feet. I want back the good old days, that's not much to ask :/

Screams ,

Farhan Idzmi Shah, somehow i still wish you would be here with me. Somehow i just wish i could be there for you while you're in pain. I still remember those times you were always there for me. Through thick and thin you would stay strong and patiently face me. No one has ever stayed this long, you've stayed for 15 years and i want to keep counting. Don't leave , Oh god please let him stay :( i need you A'an. I didn't get the chance to say all this cause you left me with all sorts of anger. You left me nothing but a heartbreak before you left me and go to that fucking US. Promise me as soon as you're heal , you'll come back. Pinky swear sweeeeets :'( Please friends and loved ones , pray with me. Pray for his survival, pray that he'll make it through all that pain, pray that God can help him in this. I'm suffering along with him. There's no one else to wake me up and cook me breakfast. There's no one else to sit with me and have movie marathons together. No more , No more , NO MORE ;( No one else can stand me as long as you have. 15 years and still counting , please make this counting last.

Chocs and Roses ,

Valentines day is coming people, but somehow i'm not interested. Maybe cause that day has another meaning to me other then just V day. The day lovebirds get all cuddly with chocs and roses , sweet words and happy moments together. How people would keep saying awww when the boyfriend hugs the girlfriend in public. Well maybe , this year isn't my year people. To all the lovebirds out there , Happy Valentines Day (:

A step at a time ,

I've been trying to get out from this moodswing, but heck it's not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes i'm up and sometimes i'm down. And i think i prefer to stay up for just a lil while . Too much chaos and too much hectic going on. Suprisingly i'm still standing , hoorah for icky (:

During cheer practice on Saturday, I made a kid fell on her head :| I'm not so sure was it entirely my fault or what. But yeah she landed on her head before she could even stand on her two feet. And in this case, laughing gas had other uses other then making people go crack. I used laughing gas to make that bump on her head feel numb. Well it kinda helped , someway somehow :| But yikeees , i was freaking out. That bump had a huge scar on it and it was bleeding and i was panicking -.- It went fine eventually , haha .

Things has been confusing, R and me has been closer then ever. Which is not that weird although we've been having big fights for the past 3 years. But yeah, at school it's me and him, before school he's with me and even after school he walks me back to Pelita. Until 5 people actually came up to me and asked that big big question "korang dah couple balik ke ?" Bahaha that made me and him laughed at that moment , but several hours later he popped up that other big big question " don't you think what they said is true ?" i had no answer to that. Instead we just got much more closer , until i found out he had something with T (: But yeah , i just act like nothing happened. What's the use if i make a big fuss about it ? And somehow he ended it with T that night i found out. He furiously told T that i should not know , but i don't get why .

My stomache's making weird noises so i think i should run to the kitchen and grab something for lunch (: Toodles <3

Another day , another waste

I'm abit better , well better then before i mean (: I don't know how and i don't know why it happened all in a sudden. In a blink of an eye , i feel a bit better. I took everything out from my mind but trust me it won't last that long. It never does. Today at school had no idea why we laughed alot , too much actually -.- More then ever , bahaha . Until i got punished for laughing too much in KH. I ended up cleaning up the bengkel, and i dragged Ayuni, Ainaa, and Deanna along (: hahahaha . Then suprisingly when i got home, the first thing i did was take out my homework and did it on the spot. And that's why i'm online now , teheee. Got more time to study tonight, yeay me !

I miss Weyna Tyka Fifi Syra Shela sobsob ;( Nak koraaaaaang. Rindu masa pegi KL sama sama , rindu tidur rumah weyna , rindu pegi alamanda , rindu jadi gila sama sama . babi aaaaa aku nak keluar :( I'm stuck in prison wehhhh ! Grrrr sweet escape sweet escape ;) Okay i gotta go study now , see you <3 looooove ya .