Zakwan Widdle ,

Budak paling bermasalah -.-

Picture 1 : Baju kurung kepunyaan Fatin Dini Afiqah
Picture 2 : Shades kepunyaan Fatin Dini Afiqah

Location : Sri Mahligai
Nama : Zakwan Fitri Widdle

Just say yes ,

Well , Paan gave me a surprise call saying that his infront my house. I screamed in excitement cause heck it's been ages since i last seen him. It was weeks ago. So i ran out and his hands were already wide open for a hug. And it was kinda shocking when Megat, Mirul and Lutfi came out from the car. I invited them in, and we hanged out at the porch. Mama and papa were out , so yeah i was alone at home :) We were smoking alot , well except for me , cause Paan HAAAADDD to hit my hand each time i try to reach out for the third cigarette -.- These 4 knuckle heads are very good listeners , and yes Paan cares , too much. I was having lots of thoughts and so i let it out. EVERYTHING , and until one point i laughed cause they were trying their best to cheer me up :)

Icky : It's like i've been so lonely for like what ? 5 months i think , until i think too much .
Megat : Well maybe it's just you yang problematic sikit kotttt *buat muka*
Icky : I know i'm not pretty , shut up lah .
*all four of them laughed*
Paan : B , that's not what he meant okay . You ni kannnn .
Megat : Yeaaaah, what i meant was like , maybe it's just you yang takde perasaan dah. Come on, spill ! How many guys have you rejected for this past 5 months .
Icky : I can't recall , seriously . Bukan banyak sangat , but just tak ingat okay.
Megat : Hah , i told you. It's just you yang bermasalah kot. Open up , don't close that heart too tight okay ?
Icky : *trying to change the topic* Eh , Fiiiii , Miruuuuul , asal senyap ?
Lutfi : I'm too busy drawing , layan doh lukis tengah gelap mcm ni , i can't wait to see what i'm actually drawing when we're in the house later.
Mirul : You're an idiot Lutfi. Well , i'm too busy trying to figure out what's he drawing.
Megat : You're a bigger idiot then he is. Why am i friends with you both?
Paan : Conclusion is , they're both idiots. And Megat , don't say that, where are you sleeping tonight aye mate? Rumah Lutfi gak en , dah diam hahah. Yang , it's too obvious you're changing the topic. What else is bothering you ?
Icky : *laughing* Okay that was .... i don't know how to describe it. Whatever. Hey , i'm okay. Don't worry.
Paan : I've known you for 15 years , and you're still trying to lie to me, oh hunny , stop trying. Look, he left you , doesn't mean you have to stop being happy. Just because you're single , doesn't mean you're lonely. Come on , i'm hereeee * senyum mintak kaki * Plus , be thankful there's no guy to hurt you like HE did, you know who i mean , i ain't gonna mention names.
Icky : Who says theres no one to hurt me? You know what i've been through , and it's making this hole bigger , fuck it.
Lutfi : *giving up and puts down the pen* Okay , i can't see a fucking thing. Icky my dear , how about we head to Hartamas tomorow? We'll pick you up and we go boy hunting. Paan's there to make sure everything goes well. Kan A'an ?
Paan : haaaa ye ah tu , betul lah tu Fi *rolling eyes*
Icky : tengok lah macam mana , as if my parents kasi. Unless you want another season of prison break *buat muka*
Paan : I ada kan , mama confirm cair kalau i ayat.
*Lutfi scrunch up the paper he was drawing on and threw it at Paan's face , Megat made barf sounds , Mirul was making a "you're disgusting" face, i was just laughing my ass off*

Then we headed inside , they're watching Twilight. I know , how gay kan? Oh and about the drawing Lutfi made , we're all still trying to figure out what it is. Haha. Okay gdnght <3

Fly up high ,

Hey ho (:
I woke up at 12.30pm , thanks to my brother that is. If he didn't wake me up , god knows what time i'll wake up :O So yeah , he woke me up cause we were going for lunch. It sound pretty funny cause i didn't even have breakfast , bahaha :) We went to Pelita , ordered teh o ais and grabbed some rice with chicken. I only ate half of it , pfth i didn't feel like eating. After eating , went to KLICCT to send Kaklong , she was going somewhere , i forgot where :| Then went home and sat infront of the laptop , as always MySpace and MSN. Got bored , went to kitchen for some milo ice. The milo ice is done , so went up stairs , grabbed my science book and turned on the tv. Did some studying from 4pm - 5.30pm , boleh tahan lama lah kan. Hoorah , Icky is becoming a nerd *geeky smile* Then suddenly i felt like cleaning up my room. Yeah , i told you , nerd thoughts woohoo. And so i did. Grabbed the broom , the mop , the cloth and new bed sheets. Sweeped the room, then i mopped it, then i wipped the windows and mirrors, then i changed the bed sheets, then i wipped the tables, then i cleaned up the dressing table and study table. For the final touch, i sprayed this thingy my mom gave me on the bed and in my cupboard and on the carpet. My room smelled nice :) And i was satisfied. The best part is , i took a one hour bath :D hoorah for me. Bahahaha. Wasn't my day interesting ? Mama cancelled going to Sunway last minute , and yes i am pissed but yeah whatever. At least i did something useful today. I could do this the whole week, but nahhhh i need to be me again.

I don't know why i lost my appetite the whole day. It's like i've got no hunger anymore -.- Mama cooked my favourite macaronni , but heck i'm not eating it. It's kinda good cause i am gaining weight. At the same time it's scary cause this is so not me :| Okaaay, i wanna finish this macaronni up. Toodles <3

We both know

"And I got the point that I should leave you alone, but we both know that I'm not that strong and I miss the lips that made me fly"

It's been a week i've been skipping school, i can't cope with the situation in school. With the teachers giving pressure and with all the hectic chaos there , gahhhh too much too much . Hey ho, school holidays are here. I need alone time at home i guess, from all the problems out there. Studying will be much better perhaps. Bahaha go ahead and laugh, i know i sound like a nerd. I've been thinking alot lately , yeah as always. I need to stop , but i can't. Have you ever felt so lonely that all you do is think ? And think some more till you cry your self to sleep or till you get migrains. I hate this , and i want it to go. I'm sick of pretending, i hate lying to people saying that i'm okay , while obviously i'm not. I have to give out fake smiles and laughs just so i could hide. How long is this going to take? When can i just drop to the ground and take out the white flag. Yes, i surrender and i give up. People keep asking what's my problem , if it was that easy , i would just let it out from the start. But it's twisted , and i can't untangle it. At least just make me feel appreciated , make me feel worth living , make me feel needed and wanted. This all happened since he left. Don't worry, i'm taking all the blame here. I'm sick and tired , please just give me a break and show some appreciation. It won't hurt a soul , i swear it won't :/ I hate the fact that i'm getting weaker , i'm not that strong for all this. I'm about to fall , seriously .

Thinking of you ,

Comparisons are easily done. Once you've had a taste of perfection. Like an apple hanging from a tree. I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed. You said move on. Where do I go, I guess second best. Is all I will know. Cause when I'm with him, I am thinking of you. Thinking of you, what you would do if, you were the one. Who was spending the night.Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes. You're like an Indian summer. In the middle of winter. Like a hard candy. With a surprise center. How do I get better. Once I've had the best. You said there's tons of fish in the water. So the waters I will test. He kissed my lips. I taste your mouth. He pulled me in. I was disgusted with myself. Cause when I'm with him, I am thinking of you. Thinking of you. What you would do if, you were the one. Who was spending the night. Oh I wish that I was looking into. You're the best, and yes I do regret. How I could let myself let you go. Now the lesson's learned, I touched it I was burned. Oh I think you should know. Cause when I'm with him, I am thinking of you. Thinking of you. What you would do if. You were the one. Who was spending the night. Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes. Looking into your eyes. Oh won't you walk through, and bust in the door. And take me away, Oh no more mistakes. Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay.

Sucks to be me , he's still in my head no matter how bad i try pushing him away. Seeing him with her, hurts more then being stabbed in the heart. But what can i do ? I kept on trying harder and harder to move on , tried to be happy with another guy , but heck , it's always him on my mind. I can't do it , i admit i can't . I'm weak and i'm sorry :/