Explosion in my head .

I've been emo and moody , yes i admit it. Go ahead and say whatever you want. Only if you could take a walk in my shoes for a day or two, then only you would understand my situation. People has been treating me as if i have feelings, as if i don't have my own problems, as if i'm just another toy to play around with. It hurts alot actually , but who understands ? NO ONE (: So yeah , from today onwards o realize i'll be on my own. I walk on this planet earth alone, and not even my family would pull me out from this missery. Let us all see will i make it on my own alright , and clap hands together if i don't (:

Huff and Puff .

Today was the Cross Country for my school. Wasn't as fun as 2 years back , pfth -.- I had to compete with Form 4's and 5's which was very tiring. So i decided to just walk , bahaha i know , shut up. Took lots of pictures and had fun last night (: Swimming at 8pm and walking down to the mamak with our wet hair , haha funnayh .

*sigh* Okay i'm tired of pretending to be happy. This fake smiles are getting really sore and fake laughs are making me caugh more then ever. It hurts way deep down inside but i can't let it out. I can't seem to find the heal to this hole in my heart, i know it sounds dramatic , who cares , i'm just saying what i feel. If you don't care then go fuck yrself (: Cause i don't seem to care about you either. Infact i'm too lazy to care about anyone right now. Yes , i am changing. Yes i am mean. And yes i do suck. Bothering you anyhow ? If it does , exit is that way *pointing*

I didn't get what i said either. Sorry. But just to make it easier, i'm not as happy as all of you think i am. I laugh and i smile , but seriously , deep inside i'm crying my heart out. I've got so much pain inside and i want to let it out. No one understands , no one appreciates. That's the hardest part. So i made a decision to just shut up and let it be. To those people that were the for me and so called bestfriends , pretty please just leave me alone. Thank you , goodbye.

Scratch everything off.

Hoyeah , school started and it's been a week. It's not that bad though , morning session is wayyy different from afternoon session. Morning session teachers are okay, but Salwani, Rosliyah and Maizan can go die , NOWWWWWW -.- Fucking pain in the ass. They 3 has some issues with school kids, pfth. Just because their lifes are over, they wanna end ours -.- GILA KUASA MACAM SIAL. Hishhh shoh. But at school is the only place i'm problem free. Homeworks are not that bad once you catch up, do not leave anything behind. Pay attention in class and your ay okay. Riiiight Icky, as if your way prepared for PMR. Yeah , actually i'm not , not at all. Yeah , lack of confidence but i'll build it up :)

Life right now is way messed up, no seriously. I don't have anyone right now and yes i do not trust anyone either. Go die lah. People shit alot these days and i'm sick of it. They just pretend to care but actually they don't. It's sad once you think of it again. It hurts when I think back of how people treated me before this. It stings alot once i imagined back all the pain i've gone through. It made me feel so useless and worthless. Put yourself in my shoes and you'll know what i'm talking about. Gahhh , sorry people but i'll be away for the moment. Busy with school , busy trying to change , busy trying to build a bette life , busy with my family , busy making myself busy. Chow <3

Egg yolks

Well , ignore the previous post, although that feeling is still here but whatever. Let's talk about 7th January 2009. Yes , it was okay i guess. I can't remember how many eggs was cracked on my head and how much amount of flour was splashed in my face. But how ever to those fools that ran till they rolled on the ground just to avoid all that, you wasted your breath ;p In the end, everyone got covered with egg and flour eventually :) I danced in the rain, i smelled like eggs, i was a fucking mess and i didn't bother what people was thinking. All i know is i had fun. My birthday was perfect. The people i need was there to celebrate it with me <3 Thanks so much to all of you that came, thanks so much to all of you that crack eggs on my head , and thanks so much to Weyna and Shela for coming all the way from Bangi. I looove you :D

STFU

Do i have to get use to this feeling ? Feeling so trashy and shitty ? Fuck off , stop bugging me. Don't appreciate me then just shooh. Yeah no one's trusted and i mean it when i say no one. ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. heh, thanks everyone.

Just for laughs.

Go on and laugh, cause yeah that's me singing. Was at Weyna's house after Syaza had a fight with Amin. She recorded it and yeah put it up in YouTube -.- I suck at singing and yes i was trying to not laugh this time especially when i realized Syaza was recording. Bahaha, and the phone rang ;p Whooops.

Entertain myself with nothing but you.

Been having moodswings lately , and i fucking hate it -.- Sometimes i'm up and sometimes i'm down. I just wish i could stay in the middle :| Been thinking alot lately too, and yes i fucking hate it too. Sheeeeesh , how can i control my thoughts. If i could, there wouldn't be any thoughts in the first place. But yeah, i'm just going with the flow. What ever happens, happens for a reason. Right now, i do believe in Karma. What goes around comes around. So what ever shit i'm going through, they'll get it 10 times worst >:) I'm a meanie , boohoo. But today i ate my breakfast with a smile, somehow i don't know why. I listened to all sorts of acoustic songs last night, put me to sleep around 4.30am -.- Yeah la, someone slept while texting with me ;p Rawrrr ! Hmm , got nothing else to say actually, but yeah, GOODMORNING (: That's all, toodles <3

Tick Tock Tick,

The clocks ticking. Seconds, Minutes, Hours, and Days passed by. 3 more days to go for my big day :D Hey ho people, Icky's growing a year older. Yes, on 7th January 2009 , I , Fatin Dini Afiqah will turn 15 years old :) Holy shit, it's been 15 years i've been living in this chaotic life of mine, how did i ever make it through *thinks* Sheeesh , scary. But yeah, I always get excited on birthdays especially mine. The only time i feel very special and i can meet people i want to meet :) The only day out of 365 days. So well everybody, stop being an asshole and don't ruin my big day okay. I need to feel special this time, if you don't want to be in it, then shooh. Find someone else's life to bug :)

Honesty and Sincere ,

Words are not just words you can give out to people without a meaning, not just words you can take out from a lyrics or quotes you find in movies or internet. Words have to be sincere and honest, and it's the thought that counts. Doesn't have to be fancy and full of rhymes, just say what's from your heart. Maybe to a special friend or your lover. Not that i'm saying it's wrong to steal a line or two from people, but wouldn't it be sweeter if you write what's from you and only you? Not something he or she may have heard or see somewhere else before. Unlike that someone, she just seems sweet but all the words she gives out, she stole it from somewhere somehow. Is that his view of sweet ? Oh well then both of them are very suitable for each other, both fake :) One is an asshole, a HUGE one. And the other one is a Biatch with a capital B. So yeah people, try creating your own words and make sure you mean what you say. It's not wrong to ask a tip or two from someone (:

Ramantardo

haha sumpah sengal doh anak aku ni , nasib baik aku sayang , kalau tak dah lama kene sepak tahu tak ? Rahman , if yr reading this before going to sunway , please jangan malu kan i. I'm yr mummy , don't do that heroic thingy , sumpah buat malu doh -.- Depan i ngn Lola takpe , but not in public. HAHA , goodnight Ramantardo .

Cheer up ,

Hey ho readers (; I just got back from Hartamas with brother and cousins. Had shisha and had some thoughts , actually alot of thought. As always , Icky kannn :) I think i've been bugging alot of people cause of my moodswings and these thoughts i'm having. I'm very sorry , don't have to worry , i'll be okay. But heck , when i got back , my favourite boys were online, Ramantardo and AnasBaby (: So i'm kinda okay right now cause of them . Nothing else to say. Here's what made me laugh ,

rman says:
jap intro i
rman says:
AKU
rman says:
DILAHIRKAN
rman says:
TERER DAN
rman says:
HENSEM
rman says:
AKULAH
rman says:
RAMAN HAHAHAHAHA
rman says:
cara en haha
Icky , says:
HAHAHAHA HOTAK KAU

oh oh and Anas said ,

anaszaryn says:
ta tau lah
anaszaryn says:
i syg rmbt i
anaszaryn says:
i bodoh pgi potong
Icky , says:
dont feel that way , i suka lah (:
Icky , says:
apa yg i suka you suka jugak kan bby ? :D
anaszaryn says:
yelah syg u suka i suka :)

BOTH ARE MINE , babi ah jangan kacauuuuu . Heeeee i love you both♥ Thanks for being a good listener retard , and oh sayang , you're always there for me :)

Breathe ,

As i was breaking down last night , i would like to say thanks to Anas , Ashraf , Rahman , and Weyna for trying to make me feel better. Although it didn't work cause i was being a hard head. Nothing people say can make me empty my mind, sorry :/ But yeah , still i owe them alot for giving a try, don't feel bad. I'll be okay someday, somehow. Anas gave me this song , which made me stopped crying. Here it is :

"Let me be the one who calls you baby all the time , surely you can take some comfort knowing that you're mine. Just hold me tight, lay by my side. And let me be the one you calls you baby all the time. I found my place in the world . Could stare at your face , for the rest of my days. Now i can breathe , turn my insides out and smother me. Warm and alive I'm all over you, would you smother me? Let me be the one who never leaves you all alone. I hold my breath and lose the feeling, that I'm on my own. Hold me too tight stay by my side, and let me be the one who calls you baby all the time. When I'm alone time goes so slow, I need you here with me and how my mistakes have made your heart break. Still I need you here with me. Baby I'm here. Now I can breathe, turn my insides out, and smother me. Warm and alive I'm all over you, would you smother me?"

Let it all out ,

This is my fucking blog , where i fucking write whatever that i fucking want. So if you fucking think what i'm about to fucking write is fucking emo and it's fucking bothering you, you should really FUCK OFF. Whatever you think right now, doesn't effect me at all. I'm fucking tired of this fucking unfair life of mine and i'm fucking fucked up with fucking humans these days. I'm sorry if that fucking offended you , but what i meant was certain fucking humans who fucks up my fucking life. Now, if you don't mind, fuck off -.-

*sorry for all the fucking cursing, i'm fucking pissed off and fucked up :/

So yeah , here it goes. People's been judging too much about me and they've been making a lot of mess in my life, too much mess infact. Some take advantage of me, some say nonsense, some can't keep their mouth shut, some are just jealous of how i live my life, some use me, some treats me like trash, some don't even appreciate me at all, some just act like i don't exist anymore. There's this someone, who's using me and taking advantage of me of certain needs and just to get close to my bestfriend. Why ? Because he's been drooling over her ever since i started liking him, and sadly i liked him back now. I know, it's pathetic. Some just make me feel like i'm useless , worthless and it's like i don't mean a thing at all. You know how it feels? Just like trash, exactly like trash. First they'll treat you like something so precious but once they get bored, they throw you away just like that. Then you get stomped on like dirt. If you don't know how it feels like, try being in my shoes. You won't last even a day, i bet :) Everyone has their own problem , so why do you have to add more ? Just shut your pile hole and go on with your fucking life. If you don't have a life then i suggest you go get one. What's yr point messing with people ? What do you fucking get ? I'm just fucking curious you know. I hate my life right now , seriously i do. You may not get why, but seriously, Weyna does. She's been living in with me half of this holiday, and she has seen what i go through everyday. Such shits i'm been dumped on. If you wanna continue and add more shits in my life, well motherfucker, you deserve two fucks right here. Fuck you asshole. You are just a pathetic retard with no life. Guys? Oh well , they lie , they cheat , they fake , they're a heartbreaker , they're selfish , they sweet talk , they use us and they for sure take advantage of anything they can. I wonder, what do they get ? how do they feel ? What's their main point ? And don't they have any sense of guilt ? Why be selfish and hurt people. I just wish they could imagine if it was them being treated like bullshit. I just wish, there's this day where girls can take control and boys be in our shoes. Please , just a week or two in our shoes, then go kill yourself, you won't last even a day. Family ? Hell no , you don't know my family at all. He tells me that i should be thankful i don't have a broken family. But seriously, live with me and you know how fucked up it gets when i'm at home. I go out i meet unwanted people and get hurt again , if i stay home i can go crazy. So tell me , is this fair for me that you're making it harder ? Seriously , stop being selfish. I've got a heart too , and i'm sure you don't want yours to break either. Put yourself in my shoes for a minute then you'll maybe get what i mean.

There, i'm done. Not fully satisfied , but at least i've let some of it out.