Keep it up

Hi (:
I am fucking tired and my body is aching from head to toe , motherfuck :| I wish all this would hurry up and end fast. I practically slept all the way through Sejarah , although the teacher came and gave a shot to wake me up. Heh heh heh , sorry Pn Shuhana , it didn't work ;p Tomorrow's Acara Padang dayyyy , woohoo -.- Scared as fuck , i swear i am . Wish me luck people , hope to bring back more GOLD , hoyeahhh ! :D

Guess what ? I officially trust NO ONE (: Not even them i thought i could count on till my very last breath. Heck , i was fucking wrong. I don't mean a thing to them , they don't even give a shit about me (: So why the fuck should i give a shit about them? It's just a waste of my bloody time. Once they got a new circle , they push me out. I'm at the very edge and i think i'm giving my self up. I'm out and i don't want to be in it, why should i hurt myself ? I rather live my own life , build up a new circle or maybe just walk on my own , in that case i won't have to count on anyone (: Bestfriends ? Go die , i've got none. Soulmates ? Bullshit , they're all crap. BFF ? HAHA what the fuck is that all about . I'm sick and tired , i hate being pushed around and being treated like SHIITTTT (: Cause as far as i'm concerned , i'm human , just like you , you , you and YOU . Don't put my dignity on the ground , i ain't dirt. If my feelings is none of yr concerned , then i think you should just get away. I need space to build up a new life , without you in it. Thank you. Sesiapa terasa , heh sorry but heck as i said , I AM SICK AND TIRED. Enough with you're satisfaction , i need my relaxation. Have fun with your life and bestest best friends , and i'll live my own life :)

With love ,
Icky.

Bring it on ,

Hello miss know it all (:
I've been hearing so much about you. You are that famous huh ? Haha maybe cause you give away all yr shits to people , how nice of you . Seriously , keep yr shits cause people are done drowning in them. It's stinking up the place , and puhleaseeeee go get yr own life (: Kau tak yah nak batak sangat ah kan nak bagitau semua orang aku stalk comments kau , LIKE EARTH TO BRAIN aku online pon seminggu sekali , ingat rajin sangat ah aku nak stalk ? Ingat kau penting habis ah aku nak stalk ? Sorry , the number you have dialed is not in reach , PLEASE get out of my fucking sight you fucking plastic :) I've got my own life and unlike you , i take care of my own life and don't take note on other people's. So stop bragging that people are talking about you cause yr hot , while you know actually YOU'RE NOT (: How sad can you be ? Stop being such a sobber and go fuck yrself. TAK PAYAH NAK PERASAN SANGAT AH KAN. Setakat tetek je besar , muka je lawa , tapi perangai cam lahanat , kau boleh pegi mampos . Go jump of the 10th floor .

Speed and jump ,

Merah is hot to go , H O T T O GO ! Aummmm ! :D

Hoyeahhhh , today only those who participate in long distance run ( 1500m , 800m , 400m and 200m ) went to the stadium. I was in 4x400 and so i did go. I was nervous as shit cause i didn't think i could do it , i really thought i'll end up crawling to the last runner. But heck , i was hell wrong , we got the gold medal babyyyy :D I was really counting on Wawa to lead the race , it'll be easier for me to keep it up. And HELL YEAH SHE DID IT ! I was about to fall when i did the second curve , but then i heard them cheering and i couldn't let them down :) So i ran to Ira and passed her the stick and i fell down to the ground and i heard people talking and stuffs but i couldn't open my eyes. Bahaha , i was in pain and i really wanted to scream but i cooled down. I was really happy that i actually made it through , teheeee. Just waiting for long jump next week, wish me luck people ! :)

I've been really busy with sports , cheerleading and studies. Haven't been getting enough sleep though , mother fuck :| My body has been cramping and aching lately , and i just need a day , AT LEAST a day that i can stay home and stuff my self with all sorts of junk foods and sit back and just relax , pretty please ? Bahaha , people , guess what ? Esok birthday someone aku sayaaaaaaang sangat sangat (: *keningkening* You know who you are baby , i love you baby lion <3 Hey ho people , i gotta run. I need a shower

Nouns and Calculations

Yes , i've been a good girl lately. Staying home doing homework and barely going out that often. I'm fucking scared for PMR although it's months away. But trust me in a blink of an eye , HEY HO papers are hereeee :| Well what i'm trying to say is , Icky has been a good girl (: hahahaha . *winkwink*

Boleh tak kalau aku nak cakap aku rindu Tyka Aten Weyna Fifi Shela Virginie Anith and Fiqa :'( AtikahAliah, my one and only babylion , where are you ? :'( I've got so much to tell you but heck i can't seem to let it out to you anymore . Haihhhh. Aten dissapeared , heh till now i can't find her. Where ever she is , i think i can see that she's avoiding from me. So yeah , just to tell you that i miss you , hm if yr ever reading this lah kan. 2009 seem to be a disaster without you :'( Weyna bila nak sleepover lagi ? Cepat lah sikit birthday you kan , wat lek je lahhh :/ ATILIAAAAAA datang hari suka aku kalau tak aku putus kawan 3 tahun haaaa :( Nak buat perangai setan sama sama >:) hahahaha. Shela aku rindu kau :( Hmmmm nak lepak kt luar tingkap you tuuuu , hee . Virginie menghilang jugak , sobsob :( RINDU LAHHHH ! Anith dah busy dengan sekolah baru and environment baru , hm i wonder how you are. Fiqa padehal kt shah alam jugak en , tapi mcm seratus batu je jarak :/ Semua busy dengan hidup masing masing , sedih tahu tak , haihhhhh *menangis sorang sorang*

Oh and by the way , my baby's back here with me (: He's having his operation here , and yes he is right here beside me. HE IS BACK FOR GOOD , and i'm relieved. Tell the whole world that Farhan Idzmi Shah is BACKKKKK :D

Lift me up

I can go anyway , way i choose.
I can live anyhow , win or lose.
I can go anywhere for something new.
Anywhere , Anyhow , Anyway i choose (:
I can do anything , right or wrong.
I can talk anyhow to get along.
I don't care anyway, i'm always strong.
I'll say hello instead of saying so long.

These words i created for me to tell myself each time i'm about to fall. I read this to myself everynight before i go to bed, and get ready for another day. A new day , a new chapter (: I'm not going to give up now after this long journey. There's more to life other then giving up your own trust and hope. I've learned so much more, i think it's best if i go on. This is life, this is where i was born, this is where i stand and breathe. I'm going to go through it all (:

Break it off ,

Hello world (:
hoyeah , it has been fine for now. Several bumps i've been through but what the fuck , who cares. I'm living my life , not you or you or YOU (: So i think it's best if you just shut up and MOOOOVE . You're cramping up the space , teheeee oops ! Well , so called bestfriend has turned fake again , round of applause . Whatever , i'm happy with my life now so if she's planning to push me down , boohooo it ain't working hunnayh. Moving on , i've been really tired with school. Been falling asleep early lately till i don't reply Ady's and Azam's text , sobsob sorry sayaaang :( I need more energy , pretty pleaseeeee -.- Oh and i went to doctor yesterday , my muscle stretched so i better stop moving about too much or else it'll stretch way too much till it breaks , bahaha i know , scary kan ? :s Gotta stop with sport for 4 days to let the muscle ease abit (: then i'm back on track baby. Sports day coming up and i'm excited (: BAPAK CEPAT SIAL , pejam kelip pejam kelip dah PMR dah :| fuckkkk cuak , haihhh .

Chapter 4 : Reproduction

Hello readers (:
Well , one day in Science class. Yeap everybody was excited for this class, guess why ? It was Chapter 4 day -.- Yipeee woohoo everyone was waiting for it , which is pretty funny once you think about it. So as i was sitting in the Science Lab, as always Ayuni would for sure sit beside me. We would always get crack together and in the end we get stomache aches :| She would always start it. Teacher was explaining about Male parts , bahahaha (: There was the testis , PENIS *geeky smile* , urethra , sperm duct , and others parts which i can't seem to remember right now. So yeah , there would always be a picture from side view and front view. While listening to teacher, Ayuni was actually staring at the picture. Then...

Ayuni : benda ni mmg ke bawah eh ? *points*
Iqa : Certain times lah kot , at certain times it's like this *points*
Ayuni : *muka terkejut*
Iqa : okayyyy i guess that was too much info , scratch that part.
Ayuni : It's okay iqa , i want to study it , i want to study it HARDDDD *senyum geeky*
Iqa : Riiiight *continue dengar cikgu explain*
Ayuni : iqa , kalau nak BJ , yang panjang ni ke yang bulat ? *pointing*
Iqa : *gelak mcm orang gila*
Ayuni : betul betul lah iqa , i nak tauuuu. I mana tau benda ni , seriously.
Iqa : Ya'allah , budak ni kan . Yang panjang tu
Ayuni : Oh ye errr , besar tak ?
Iqa : Mana i tau , depends lah .
Ayuni : Seriously lah , panjang ke tak ? Kira kalau orang besar dia punya tu pon besar eh ?
Iqa : hahahahahahahahhahaha bodoh lah youuuu -.-
*several minutes later*
Iqa : i wonder if anyone would ask kenapa benda tu tercacak if sejuk or baru bangun tidur *gelak*
Ayuni : Haaaa you tanya ah ! *muka excited*
Iqa : Kepala hotak you , mmg tak ah -.-
Ayuni : Alaaaa i pon nak tau oh.
Iqa : Then you tanya ah
Ayuni : Taknak lahhhh , i malu.
Iqa : You got issues woman
*Ayuni kept on laughing*
Iqa : DID TEACHER JUST SAY KOTE LELAKI ? *buat muka bangang , cause i can't really hear , duduk belakang sekali kat lab kannn -.- *
Ayuni : *gelak mcm setan tak ingat dunia *
Iqa : whattt ? it's called penis a.k.a kote hahahahahaha
Ayuni : *continue gelak mcm orang gila -.-*

Okay that was the stupidest science session i ever had. Bahahaha.

Back to time ,

Can we bring yesterday back around ?

I remember when i used to laugh and laugh all day long. Smile so wide like there's nothing wrong. Giggle at anything till my cheeks sore. But now all that is just no more. I can't have those feelings back. Everything seems out of track. When i fall i get back up , but now i prefer to stay on the ground. Everything i do seems wrong to everyone. Now i just wish all this guilt would just be gone. They stop looking at my deeds , they just keep looking at my flaws. Nothing i do seems right, all i can say is that i don't want to start a fight. All i can do now is back off and drift away from the crowd. But inside i just want to scream oh so loud. I want back the past, i don't want this feeling to last. No more tears and pain, i'm not going to be a sobber again. Raes said to me that this is not me, he said i should be stronger and stop being so lazy. I should get my ass back up and keep on fighting these thoughts. I should stop being someone i'm not. I don't stay down when these thoughts push me to the ground. I get back up on my feet and stop being so weak. And again, I told Raes that it's not that easy. If it is , i wouldn't be having all this mood swings. I just want back the time where i can laugh all day long and get crack without caring about what they say. And i want back those people who were always there for me all through the way. But somehow i think i'd just have to wait. No matter how long it takes. I'll be here sitting and waiting till the time comes, when i'm ready i'll get back up and RUN. That's my promise to everyone that told me to be the old me , all i have to do is just get back up on my feet. I want back the good old days, that's not much to ask :/

Screams ,

Farhan Idzmi Shah, somehow i still wish you would be here with me. Somehow i just wish i could be there for you while you're in pain. I still remember those times you were always there for me. Through thick and thin you would stay strong and patiently face me. No one has ever stayed this long, you've stayed for 15 years and i want to keep counting. Don't leave , Oh god please let him stay :( i need you A'an. I didn't get the chance to say all this cause you left me with all sorts of anger. You left me nothing but a heartbreak before you left me and go to that fucking US. Promise me as soon as you're heal , you'll come back. Pinky swear sweeeeets :'( Please friends and loved ones , pray with me. Pray for his survival, pray that he'll make it through all that pain, pray that God can help him in this. I'm suffering along with him. There's no one else to wake me up and cook me breakfast. There's no one else to sit with me and have movie marathons together. No more , No more , NO MORE ;( No one else can stand me as long as you have. 15 years and still counting , please make this counting last.

Chocs and Roses ,

Valentines day is coming people, but somehow i'm not interested. Maybe cause that day has another meaning to me other then just V day. The day lovebirds get all cuddly with chocs and roses , sweet words and happy moments together. How people would keep saying awww when the boyfriend hugs the girlfriend in public. Well maybe , this year isn't my year people. To all the lovebirds out there , Happy Valentines Day (:

A step at a time ,

I've been trying to get out from this moodswing, but heck it's not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes i'm up and sometimes i'm down. And i think i prefer to stay up for just a lil while . Too much chaos and too much hectic going on. Suprisingly i'm still standing , hoorah for icky (:

During cheer practice on Saturday, I made a kid fell on her head :| I'm not so sure was it entirely my fault or what. But yeah she landed on her head before she could even stand on her two feet. And in this case, laughing gas had other uses other then making people go crack. I used laughing gas to make that bump on her head feel numb. Well it kinda helped , someway somehow :| But yikeees , i was freaking out. That bump had a huge scar on it and it was bleeding and i was panicking -.- It went fine eventually , haha .

Things has been confusing, R and me has been closer then ever. Which is not that weird although we've been having big fights for the past 3 years. But yeah, at school it's me and him, before school he's with me and even after school he walks me back to Pelita. Until 5 people actually came up to me and asked that big big question "korang dah couple balik ke ?" Bahaha that made me and him laughed at that moment , but several hours later he popped up that other big big question " don't you think what they said is true ?" i had no answer to that. Instead we just got much more closer , until i found out he had something with T (: But yeah , i just act like nothing happened. What's the use if i make a big fuss about it ? And somehow he ended it with T that night i found out. He furiously told T that i should not know , but i don't get why .

My stomache's making weird noises so i think i should run to the kitchen and grab something for lunch (: Toodles <3

Another day , another waste

I'm abit better , well better then before i mean (: I don't know how and i don't know why it happened all in a sudden. In a blink of an eye , i feel a bit better. I took everything out from my mind but trust me it won't last that long. It never does. Today at school had no idea why we laughed alot , too much actually -.- More then ever , bahaha . Until i got punished for laughing too much in KH. I ended up cleaning up the bengkel, and i dragged Ayuni, Ainaa, and Deanna along (: hahahaha . Then suprisingly when i got home, the first thing i did was take out my homework and did it on the spot. And that's why i'm online now , teheee. Got more time to study tonight, yeay me !

I miss Weyna Tyka Fifi Syra Shela sobsob ;( Nak koraaaaaang. Rindu masa pegi KL sama sama , rindu tidur rumah weyna , rindu pegi alamanda , rindu jadi gila sama sama . babi aaaaa aku nak keluar :( I'm stuck in prison wehhhh ! Grrrr sweet escape sweet escape ;) Okay i gotta go study now , see you <3 looooove ya .