blab it all out

i've haven't been really updating ay , so yeah all i can say is ,i only stayed home during last week's holiday. Yeah , that whole week i was at home :) Baik kannnn? I go out for lunch, dinner or tuition only. Lol, pretty boring, i know. But it was worth it though. I catched up with my studies and i felt good about it. Cause at least i didn't waste my time getting wasted for a whole week , bahaha. But on Saturday i finally went out , but only to Wondermilk that is. Had to tag along with my sis, she was working. I was there from 3pm till 11pm -.- I would like to say thanks to my lovable brother from another mother Raes Aref , for waiting for 4 hours :D haha .

After Raes went back, Farouk came for a while to grab a drink and hanged for few minutes. Then he had to rush back to Shah Alam. I hanged in the office after that, going online and studying Science. I called Adam, and he came :) He hanged out quiet long , took pictures , had dinner with him, and i bought cupcakes for him , teheee . He was really inlove with the cupcake , he ate it with expressions , bahaha. After closing , we headed home. On the way back AyEffAyDee♥ called up, he wanted to meet me. He wanted to talk , he knew if he called and tried to talk about it i won't bother to listen. So yeah , around 4am he arrived, i cried after he went back.

On Sunday, was boring and dull. Woke up late , ate lunch , study Sejarah and then Aten called up , she was on her way here , i was effin happy though to see her , teheee ;) After so long , sheeeesh i miss her :'( sobsob. Then school started , hoho it was okay but yet i slept in class today , the last day of school for this week , haish . That's all i can talk about i guess , pretty boring ay. I gotta go , it's 4am and i'm fucking sleepy , gdnght <3

You know i hate you bitch :) and you should know who you are .

Here we go again ,

It's happening again. The time when i'll look back and no one's there. I'll stand on my own and not counting on anyone to pull me up or lift my spirits. No more, what the hell is bestfriends if you don't even get concerned about the so called bestfriend? Who are you kidding? Bestfriends know what to do or to say when a friend is in need and feeling down. Willing to do try the best to fix the situation. But if you barely bother , don't even think about calling yourself a friend :) Cause seriously , i no longer count on anyone and i think i'm better off this way. Why should i care about people who barely cares about me , it's just a waste of my time and tears. Let them have their own fabulous life and let me live on my own. I've got no one and i'm trying my best to cope with it. You can say what a loser or such a sobber or hah in your face you loner, but seriously at least i don't cheat , backstab or betray a friend and at least i do keep my promises as a bestfried and at least i do care about my friends. It's just them that doesn't appreciates me as much as i appreciate their presence. Who the fuck cares , i'm sure they don't :) So listen , stop calligng refering to yourself as a bestfriend if you don't mean it, i'm sick and tired of that sort of attitude :) Thank you .

Brother from another mother ,

Say hello to RAES AREF :)

I knew him from MySpace , pfth. Yeah and then we met in OU i think, then he fell inlove with my sister from another mother. And since that he became a brother to me, very annoying one indeed -.- Trust me people, having him as a brother is way different then having him as a friend, i'll tell you why later :) He lives in TTDI , likes foosball , likes girls , likes going to OU , such a lazy ass, he is now 17 years old but perasan dah masuk college pfthh , Suka pau adik kesayangan dia which is ME :) He thinks he's funny while actually he's just annoying. He keeps bragging that he's goodlooking cause i accidentally told him that i think he was hot the first time i met him, refer to the WAS , past tense :) He can't be serious even for a minute. He laughs at my jokes but then he'll say it's not funny WHILE he's laughing , stupidddd -.- He keeps saying he wants to hit me , but he never does , instead he'll ask someone else to do so. He'll for sure stop bugging me if i treat him spaghetti. And he won't stop asking for Skyline , he says i owe him that. Yeah , in his dreams :) Oh most of all, he screams like a girl which he doesn't want to admit , it's okay abang , people will understand ;p Well now as you can see , he is the most annoying human being on earth. I always feel like strangling his head till he turns blue when ever i talk to him. He gives me headaches and also made me cry , YOU MEANIE ! But why are you listening to only the bad stuffs i'm saying about him? He made me cry for happiness , he made me stand back up , he'll be serious when i ask him to , he never fails to cheer me up , he'll always lift my spirits up and never gives up to do so, he'll make sense in ever of his excuse if he forgets my birthday, he never hits me cause he loves me :) , he screams like a girl but he can be a very protective brother, well yes he is good looking pfth i hate to admit it but yeah. He says if i was ever in Makbul or Rasta even at 3am , he'll run there in his pyjamas , i dont know if he even wears PJ's but yeah it's sweet. i barely meet him that often , but when we do he'll give out the best hugs. He never gets bored of listening to my problems and he keeps trying his best to solve it. And you know why having him as a brother is way better? First , being his girlfriend will be too confusing , only i know why :) Second, he'll treat you like a real sister , tease you and make you cry but somehow he knows the best way to cheer you up. Lastly, he treats me way better then a friend , that's for sure :)

Icky : Come on just imagine it , if i was lying on the hospital bed , and only got 24 hours to live.
Raes : I'll ask my mom for the car keys and say " Kawan raes dah nak mati "
Icky : hahahahahhahahahaha okay continue , if you dah dekat hospital .
Raes : I'll go buy chocalates first ,
Icky : i'm dying and all you could buy for me is chocalates.
Raes : bukan untuk you , it's for me Hahahahhahahahahahhahaha okay now that's funny
Icky : shut up lah , i hate you
Raes : okay okay chill lah , i'll run up to the nurse tanya mana FATIN dini afiqah , and then masuk bilik and just stare at you.
Icky : just stare ? wow -.-
Raes : Dah la , i can't really imagine if that really happened okay.
Icky : ala why not , imagine je lah.
Raes : Cause i don't want to imagine that,
Icky : AWWWWWWWWWW YOU LOOOOOVE ME :')
Raes : haha i dah agak dah , bodoh ah you.

Yeah, so yeah conclusion is , he's the best and yeah i love you brothaaa :D


P/S : i am not that bad Raes :) I told you so.

Shut up ,

Someone i knew since 2007 :) He keeps reminding me that he knows me for 3 years , but sadly in this 3 years we never met, at all. But still , he gives me enough love and treats me.... well , sometimes i feel like kicking him in the balls for being such a jerk , and sometimes i feel like hugging him real tight. So you do the thinking of how he treats me.

He said : I dah suka you dari you budak kecik lagi , yes you form 1 time tu. Tapi you selalu ada jantan lain , i pon dah malas. So i pon taknak rosak kan situation. I dah la cepat bosan kalau couple , so baik kita stay mcm ni kan ? I sayang you (: You sayang i tak ? Kau jangan nak gatal mainkan aku eh .

Yes , it's you AFD♥ always have and always will.
Kau jangan nak menggatal sangat eh. Aku sayang kau .

Make a wish baby ,

Icky says : Today was another boring day for me :) Woke up earlier then i did 2 days ago, went downstairs and checked if anyone's home. And sadly , i found out i was the only one awake and Mama was out. So i went back up , took my phone and checked messages. There was 4 messages, from Azril, FarhanIdzmi, FarhahAmani and AmirulAshraf. Then i turned on the music, tidy up my bed and then i grabbed my towel and rushed to the showers. After getting myself cleaned, i had breakfast then started with my science. Yeah finished another book, yeay me :) And here i am blogging , i told you it's boring. Well whatever, guess what day is it today ? :)
March 16th♥

Happy Sweet 16 Wan Noor Faradawina♥

Well, sadly i'm not there with you. I'm going through shits which i wish to end now. Whatever it is , you're older now :) 2 years of friendship ay , and yeah still counting baby. I can still remember the first time we met, lol yeah terkejut gak aa you lagi pendek en ;p But damn, it's as if we've known forever. Then we got closer and closer♥ More sleepovers and more memories kept. Getting drunk at Fly.FM last year, laughing gas at alamanda, sleeping together in a supersingle bed, sayang you can dance ;p, our songs three cheers for five years, fall for you, bila rindu, i dont want you back, a lonely september & fuck you right back, go to kl in two days straight , haaa tarahal :) Damn , we've been through so much together. Our parents know each other and my dad wants me to be like you. You know the 8A's part. Hell yeah , even you want me to beat that. Sheeeeeesh, i'm trying my best if you don't notice lah kan. People people , about her. She's awesome , she's crazy, she's adorable especially bila buat puppy dog eyes, she gets bored easily so make sure you're funny and entertaining, she likes dunhill lights and KENT, she likes partying and dancing, she likes playing the guitar and she loooves ME :D hahahahhaha , i love you baby♥ Oh btw , eeeee dah tua !

Zakwan Widdle ,

Budak paling bermasalah -.-

Picture 1 : Baju kurung kepunyaan Fatin Dini Afiqah
Picture 2 : Shades kepunyaan Fatin Dini Afiqah

Location : Sri Mahligai
Nama : Zakwan Fitri Widdle

Just say yes ,

Well , Paan gave me a surprise call saying that his infront my house. I screamed in excitement cause heck it's been ages since i last seen him. It was weeks ago. So i ran out and his hands were already wide open for a hug. And it was kinda shocking when Megat, Mirul and Lutfi came out from the car. I invited them in, and we hanged out at the porch. Mama and papa were out , so yeah i was alone at home :) We were smoking alot , well except for me , cause Paan HAAAADDD to hit my hand each time i try to reach out for the third cigarette -.- These 4 knuckle heads are very good listeners , and yes Paan cares , too much. I was having lots of thoughts and so i let it out. EVERYTHING , and until one point i laughed cause they were trying their best to cheer me up :)

Icky : It's like i've been so lonely for like what ? 5 months i think , until i think too much .
Megat : Well maybe it's just you yang problematic sikit kotttt *buat muka*
Icky : I know i'm not pretty , shut up lah .
*all four of them laughed*
Paan : B , that's not what he meant okay . You ni kannnn .
Megat : Yeaaaah, what i meant was like , maybe it's just you yang takde perasaan dah. Come on, spill ! How many guys have you rejected for this past 5 months .
Icky : I can't recall , seriously . Bukan banyak sangat , but just tak ingat okay.
Megat : Hah , i told you. It's just you yang bermasalah kot. Open up , don't close that heart too tight okay ?
Icky : *trying to change the topic* Eh , Fiiiii , Miruuuuul , asal senyap ?
Lutfi : I'm too busy drawing , layan doh lukis tengah gelap mcm ni , i can't wait to see what i'm actually drawing when we're in the house later.
Mirul : You're an idiot Lutfi. Well , i'm too busy trying to figure out what's he drawing.
Megat : You're a bigger idiot then he is. Why am i friends with you both?
Paan : Conclusion is , they're both idiots. And Megat , don't say that, where are you sleeping tonight aye mate? Rumah Lutfi gak en , dah diam hahah. Yang , it's too obvious you're changing the topic. What else is bothering you ?
Icky : *laughing* Okay that was .... i don't know how to describe it. Whatever. Hey , i'm okay. Don't worry.
Paan : I've known you for 15 years , and you're still trying to lie to me, oh hunny , stop trying. Look, he left you , doesn't mean you have to stop being happy. Just because you're single , doesn't mean you're lonely. Come on , i'm hereeee * senyum mintak kaki * Plus , be thankful there's no guy to hurt you like HE did, you know who i mean , i ain't gonna mention names.
Icky : Who says theres no one to hurt me? You know what i've been through , and it's making this hole bigger , fuck it.
Lutfi : *giving up and puts down the pen* Okay , i can't see a fucking thing. Icky my dear , how about we head to Hartamas tomorow? We'll pick you up and we go boy hunting. Paan's there to make sure everything goes well. Kan A'an ?
Paan : haaaa ye ah tu , betul lah tu Fi *rolling eyes*
Icky : tengok lah macam mana , as if my parents kasi. Unless you want another season of prison break *buat muka*
Paan : I ada kan , mama confirm cair kalau i ayat.
*Lutfi scrunch up the paper he was drawing on and threw it at Paan's face , Megat made barf sounds , Mirul was making a "you're disgusting" face, i was just laughing my ass off*

Then we headed inside , they're watching Twilight. I know , how gay kan? Oh and about the drawing Lutfi made , we're all still trying to figure out what it is. Haha. Okay gdnght <3

Fly up high ,

Hey ho (:
I woke up at 12.30pm , thanks to my brother that is. If he didn't wake me up , god knows what time i'll wake up :O So yeah , he woke me up cause we were going for lunch. It sound pretty funny cause i didn't even have breakfast , bahaha :) We went to Pelita , ordered teh o ais and grabbed some rice with chicken. I only ate half of it , pfth i didn't feel like eating. After eating , went to KLICCT to send Kaklong , she was going somewhere , i forgot where :| Then went home and sat infront of the laptop , as always MySpace and MSN. Got bored , went to kitchen for some milo ice. The milo ice is done , so went up stairs , grabbed my science book and turned on the tv. Did some studying from 4pm - 5.30pm , boleh tahan lama lah kan. Hoorah , Icky is becoming a nerd *geeky smile* Then suddenly i felt like cleaning up my room. Yeah , i told you , nerd thoughts woohoo. And so i did. Grabbed the broom , the mop , the cloth and new bed sheets. Sweeped the room, then i mopped it, then i wipped the windows and mirrors, then i changed the bed sheets, then i wipped the tables, then i cleaned up the dressing table and study table. For the final touch, i sprayed this thingy my mom gave me on the bed and in my cupboard and on the carpet. My room smelled nice :) And i was satisfied. The best part is , i took a one hour bath :D hoorah for me. Bahahaha. Wasn't my day interesting ? Mama cancelled going to Sunway last minute , and yes i am pissed but yeah whatever. At least i did something useful today. I could do this the whole week, but nahhhh i need to be me again.

I don't know why i lost my appetite the whole day. It's like i've got no hunger anymore -.- Mama cooked my favourite macaronni , but heck i'm not eating it. It's kinda good cause i am gaining weight. At the same time it's scary cause this is so not me :| Okaaay, i wanna finish this macaronni up. Toodles <3

We both know

"And I got the point that I should leave you alone, but we both know that I'm not that strong and I miss the lips that made me fly"

It's been a week i've been skipping school, i can't cope with the situation in school. With the teachers giving pressure and with all the hectic chaos there , gahhhh too much too much . Hey ho, school holidays are here. I need alone time at home i guess, from all the problems out there. Studying will be much better perhaps. Bahaha go ahead and laugh, i know i sound like a nerd. I've been thinking alot lately , yeah as always. I need to stop , but i can't. Have you ever felt so lonely that all you do is think ? And think some more till you cry your self to sleep or till you get migrains. I hate this , and i want it to go. I'm sick of pretending, i hate lying to people saying that i'm okay , while obviously i'm not. I have to give out fake smiles and laughs just so i could hide. How long is this going to take? When can i just drop to the ground and take out the white flag. Yes, i surrender and i give up. People keep asking what's my problem , if it was that easy , i would just let it out from the start. But it's twisted , and i can't untangle it. At least just make me feel appreciated , make me feel worth living , make me feel needed and wanted. This all happened since he left. Don't worry, i'm taking all the blame here. I'm sick and tired , please just give me a break and show some appreciation. It won't hurt a soul , i swear it won't :/ I hate the fact that i'm getting weaker , i'm not that strong for all this. I'm about to fall , seriously .

Thinking of you ,

Comparisons are easily done. Once you've had a taste of perfection. Like an apple hanging from a tree. I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed. You said move on. Where do I go, I guess second best. Is all I will know. Cause when I'm with him, I am thinking of you. Thinking of you, what you would do if, you were the one. Who was spending the night.Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes. You're like an Indian summer. In the middle of winter. Like a hard candy. With a surprise center. How do I get better. Once I've had the best. You said there's tons of fish in the water. So the waters I will test. He kissed my lips. I taste your mouth. He pulled me in. I was disgusted with myself. Cause when I'm with him, I am thinking of you. Thinking of you. What you would do if, you were the one. Who was spending the night. Oh I wish that I was looking into. You're the best, and yes I do regret. How I could let myself let you go. Now the lesson's learned, I touched it I was burned. Oh I think you should know. Cause when I'm with him, I am thinking of you. Thinking of you. What you would do if. You were the one. Who was spending the night. Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes. Looking into your eyes. Oh won't you walk through, and bust in the door. And take me away, Oh no more mistakes. Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay.

Sucks to be me , he's still in my head no matter how bad i try pushing him away. Seeing him with her, hurts more then being stabbed in the heart. But what can i do ? I kept on trying harder and harder to move on , tried to be happy with another guy , but heck , it's always him on my mind. I can't do it , i admit i can't . I'm weak and i'm sorry :/

Fight , Score , Win .

Hoyeahhhh , today was satisfying enough for me. Actually, it was VERY satisfying :) Yes , Merah won and i cheered my ass off. Our performance wasn't as bad as i thought it would turn out , it was actually great :) I was happy Weyna was ther for me , the others said they would show up , but they didn't. But Amer showed up as well with 3 of his friends which names i can't seem to remember , bahaha. Amer showing up was very suprising though , i didn't expect he would actually come so yeah, Thanks muka tetek (: He was making faces the all day with scars all over his body -.-

These are the results for 2009's Sports Day :

Cheerleading :

1. Suria
   
2. Segara
3. Purnama
   
4. Buana

Kawat Kaki :

1. Segara
2. Buana
3. Purnama
4. Suria

Keseluruhan :

1. Purnama !
2. Segara
   
3. Buana
4. Suria

Yes yes , Purnama / Merah won everything :D 2 years in a row we've been losing , but heck we've shined again this year ! Hell no we didn't fall (: I was happy for Suria / Kuning for getting first place in cheerleading :D They were really good , i had to admit :) But today had loads of screaming , cheering and shouting. Everyone was jumping for they're achivements. It's a happy day :') Can't wait for next year's sports day.

Winning is our aim , Purnama is our name . And whoahhhh we're number 1 , say whaaaat ? We're number 1 ! AUUUMMMMM :D

Merah is hot to go ! H - O - T T - O G - O ! AUUMMM , it's hot to go ! Auuuummm !

Now who's got the guts to fight and win ? AUMMMMM !

Hey , hey you ! Get out of my way because today is the day we're gonna blow you away ! beat that !

We're strong and we're hot , we're everything you're not! Purnama's gonna shake the field , so show us what you got , HAH !

Yeah , that's mostly all of our cheers (: More to think , more to create . Wait for it , teheee . Pictures will be uploaded soon , toodles <3

Check it out (:

Pump it up ,

Hey ho (:
i'm suppose to be studying right now , but i'm taking 15 minutes to go online , bahaha. Well , 3 days left and it's sports day. Woah , it's happening so fast , it's already March ! That means PMR is also getting closer , shit :/

Speaking of sports day , guess what i really can't wait about ? The fact that i'll get to meet Weyna , Fifi , Fiqa and Danial (?) okay Danial tu sesat sikit , tah macam mana dia boleh sesat . Somebody explain please -.- HAHAHA , gila weh , semua nak berkumpul kat hari sukan aku gak en , tarahal , sayaaaaaaaaang korang ketat ketat ♥ I'm fucking nervous , if i mess up only one step , it'll be fucking embarassing , serious shit :/ But heck , i'll be going up to get my medal , hooray hooray :)

You know , this year sports day has been World War 3 -.- Semua kerja nak carik pasal je , benda kecik jadi besar. Nak gang up lah apa lancau semua nak attack rumah Merah , wtf -.- Bring it to the stadium , don't talk shit now. What the hell is wrong with them , i have no fucking idea , pegi lah mati .

Okay i am fucking tired , goodnight <3>

I thought you wanted the same for me .

I was reading Weyna's blog just now and yes i had to agree with her latest post. That song can make me cry all night. It means alot and it has something to do with me to. It hurts alot once i think about it again , and it seems dumb cause i keep making that as an excuse to hurt myself.


P/S : If you want the lyrics , do check it out in Faradawina's blog (: Haha , find the link yrself , it's somewhere in my blog by the sides.

It's been 4 months i haven't felt being loved , cuddled , hugged , and kissed by someone that can make me get butterflies in my stomach. It's been long enough i haven't got goodmorning texts and sweet goodnight wishes just before i go to sleep. It's been long since i last had someone care about me as much as he would care about his self. It's been long since i had a real hug , a sincere hug that is. It's been long since i've been inlove , it's been long since i last day dreamt in class about only ONE person. Texting all day long , hours of phone calls , sharing and caring , loving and giving , loyal and trust . I miss all that , but at the same time , i hate taking the risk. If only there was someone who could make this feeling go away. Please , i mean please take my hand and let me have a love story of my own <3