Monday, November 22

A sincere apology

I would love to say sorry. Sorry for dragging almost everyone in to this mess, for all the trouble I caused , for all the problems I gave , for all the headaches , for being so selfish and stupid , for not making things easier when I could. And also thank you. Thank you for all the tries to make things better , thank you for all the effort , thank you for all the trouble , thank you for even trying to search for me. This is for all the people that was involved. You know who you are. Sorry for everything. Sincerely , me

Throughout the shits ,

Dear boyfriend ,
yes it's you Haikal Hamzah :') It's only been 15 days and damn has it been bumpy as ever. You've been here with me through good and bad , thick and thin , sad and happy , tears and laughs. Everything. It's you, you're the one. This is all my fault , I made it this way. I should have listened to you in the first place. I know what I did was totally wrong. So I have to stay strong no matter what since I was the one who made it this way. I'm sorry for dragging you down with me , I'm sorry I caused you too much trouble, I'm sorry you had to take all the blame while it was actually all my fault , I'm sorry I let you down. But I also want to say thanks. Thank you for being patient with me , thank you for being calm with me , thank you for not leaving when shits happen , thank you for being here with me through everything , thank you for trying to make me go home , thank you for taking all the consequences, thank you for being the best , thank you for being strong , thank you for trying and giving your best shot to make this work. No way am I letting you go now , not ever. No way i'm going to let this end just like that. No way i'm going to give up now. I have to chin up and stay strong and hold on tight. All that's left for me to do now is to have faith in you , in us. Nothing left. In order to make this last , I have to hold on tight no matter what. We'll go through this right sayang ? :') Baby , you're the best I've ever had. I swear you made me feel brand new again. Even when I'm crying , you know exactly the right words to say so that I would smile again. When you're there with by my side , I just love how you grab my hand and won't let go till our hands sweat. I love how we have cute ways of making each other smile. Awak omey angat en en :) Anyonyonyo hihi. I sayang you weh , sumpah do sumpah do sumpah do :'( Remember what I said last night ? You're one hard headed retard lame pain in the ass chicken. But who the fuck cares? I don't. All that matters is that I love you whole heartedly. Just you, you as who you really are now. Don't ever change. You're mine now and always. Keep in mind. I love you Haikal Hamzah , everlastingly♥

Sunday, November 14

Current addiction

What's there for me to talk about ? Hmmm let's start with Friday :)

Friday, 121110
I woke up and head to Azra's house early. There I sat down and talk with Afiera. About everything. Yes , literally everything. It's been ages since we last did that. And around 10am , the lovely boyfriend arrived :') Headed to Tasha's house to grab Azra's handbag and then the 2 girls wanted Nasi Lemak. Dropped them home and went to McDonald's drivethru with the one and only Haikal Hamzah♥ We headed to Section 12's Helipad after that. It was just great. Nothing exciting about the hill, but just knowing he's there with me , completed my day :') And that was just it.

Saturday, 131110
Woke up , woke Haikal up , spent talking to him for hours and hours . And that was just it :)

Sunday(today), 141110
Pretty much the same thing I did yesterday , lol


Yes as you can see , I spend my days mostly with ze boyfriend. Heh call me lifeless but who gives a fuck. At least he cares enough to stay with me day and night :) Everything is just fine for me . Just simply fine.

Friday, November 12

Less than three



I less than three you , enough said.

Thursday, November 11

Whole hearted♥


After all the pain , after all the shits , after all the struggling , and after all the tears..

I'm finally back on my feet again :')

I hope he's worth the wait. I hope he's going to stay. I hope he's going to be the one♥


Dear loser ,
I think I've been gone through enough. Like seriously, enough. You showed up and lighten up everything. You came without a greeting. Without an invitation. You came only as a friend, and that's all you intended to be. And now.. you're my boyfriend. I don't dare to ask myself how it happened. I only thank God for letting it happen. I am surely thankful to have you, and I am damn proud to say that I own you. I've never thought I'd end up being inlove with a retard loser that laughs like a chicken. You are one of the most annoying pain in the ass yet lovable retard loser I've ever known. Thank you for your everlasting insults and teasing , but then again you know how to draw that smile on my face again :') Face it , I've gone all googlywiggly inlove with you Haikal Hamzah

08112010 ; 1.04am
I've been counting seconds ever since. You're the best thing I ever knew I needed :')

It's been a while

Holy Jizz, it's been almost 2 months since I last updated this dead blog of mine. Well let's just hope I keep updating more later. IF I don't laze around anymore hihi :)

What's been going on ? Pretty much this and that. Mostly shits but yeah I've made it through in one piece :) I say the same thing each time I update about my life , shits happen , what can I do ? That's just how it goes. Life's a bitch and then you die . Like it or not, you still have to face it. Get it? FACE. IT. Being emotional and fucked up is not something you should judge about someone, cause yeah, who are you to judge people's emotions ? Mood swings keep on coming every now and then , gahh fucking hate it. It's wrecking my thoughts with all these crappy negative thinking. Wish there was an 'Escape' button , tsk :/

Finals finally ended 2 weeks ago and bloody hell , my grades ain't prettayy. Ain't prettay at all man. I wish to burn my report card once I get it. Then again , pretty much am relieved I passed my addmaths hihi. Starting to search for tuitions already. Need to get them before January , so I wouldn't miss out on anything and I need to freaking revise all the form 4 topics. Interrrresting ... not really. I'll be turning 17 in 2 months and I can't believe how time pass by so fucking fast. Me and Aten were saying how it feels as if it was just yesterday we were having our vacation together after UPSR results 4 years ago. Damn. That fast. We're ending school in a year and then what happens next? Let's find out.

Oh guess what? Betrayal and cruelty is the newest trend now :) People bitch to get famous , bestfriends betray for their own happiness , boys / girls cheat to get a better looking person , and breaking hearts seems like a new game. Tafakkk ? When will there ever be peace and happiness in this world. *sigh

Sincerely,
Icky

Wednesday, September 29

Keep my heart beating

So this would be my first time blogging with my phone. Too lazy to get my ass up from this bed. Yeah, i'm a lazyass, so ?

I'm glad to say I got my girls back. A month passed and we're back together again. Alhamdulillah :) I've put my feet down, no more grudges. Ego should be pushed a side sometimes. Having haters is just about enough, hating would be too much. Agree?

On top all of that, I'm still a mess. Drama still chasing me, no matter how bad I run away. Hypocrites and twofaced are making me sick . They disgust me. Screw all of them. I'm better off without them.

Okay dah penat haha ttyl <3

Sunday, September 19

Truth be told ,

I've lived for 16 years and I think I've been through just about enough. Just enough to figure out all kinds of humanbeing on this planet. And I'm starting to get sick of it.

There's this kind that enjoys watching people live in misery which bugs the shit out of me. Some would even kill just so someone would breakdown and cry. Some enjoys spending hours to judge about someone's past. And some just looooove putting someone's dignity down to the ground. It somehow entertains them in some kind of way that I can never understand. You could just sit around with a bunch of friends talking about your OWN past , see if you can do that instead. I bet you can't either , theres just some parts of your life that you just wish you could erase. Everyone has 'em , so why in the world are you minding someone else's life? I don't think it affect you in anyway. I've been there , done that and somehow I feel so stupid that I just wish I could realize all this earlier.

My life myself is a wreck so why should I mess up others? It doesn't benefit me , not even a bit. I should just sit down quietly and mind my own problems. Better yet , I should just waste time with my friends other than sitting around useless people that just wants to take advantage.

There's another kind that just loves to take everyone for granted. Somehow they just don't know how to appreciate. Every single deed someone has done for them , they just take it so easy and don't even bother about the effort nor sincerity. Some sort of heartless creep , I would say. Why is it so hard for everyone to treat everyone equally? Don't like them , doesn't mean you have to ruin their life. Ignore them , don't let them exist in your life , that's all. Easy as that.

All I can say is , you might enjoy all that fucked up heartbreaking and life ruining act of yours for now , but how would like it if it was you who had to go through all that? I bet it would suck real bad. So why the fuck do it if you would for sure hate it if it happened to you. Don't be a hypocrite. I'm not that nice , I'm not that perfect. But last time I checked , this is my blog. Yeah, my blog. So screw your comments , this is what I have to say.

Sincerely,
Icky

Mentally and physically

What you did to me was unbelievably painful , although I kinda saw it coming but yeah somehow it poached my heart like way deep. Then again , why the hell am I bothering for such a typical douche ? Yes, I'm proud to say I'm over you. As much as I miss you forcing me to stay up and on the phone with you till dawn , I miss you reminding me you love me , I miss you making me feel secured , and what so ever you planned on doing to put me in such a shit hole , I still have to face the fact that I'll meet more boys like you who would have the exact same intention. Sure , I'll cry my heart out , feel like such an idiot and feeling so empty for a moment , but mark my words that I'll keep on standing. I won't fall and breakdown to pieces over something that happened to me more than just once.

Bottom line is , I'm stronger than you think I am.

I'm over you and hell yeah I'm on my way to better days

Time after time

It's been.... 2 months to be exact. Yes , 2 months of no blogging. I've been caught up with so many. As all you know , a month of Ramadhan has passed. And so did a week of Aidilfitri. Oh oh and also August Test :B

Ramadhan was okay , loads of obstacles I had to go through. LIKE A LOT (!) But Alhamdulillah I managed to go through all that , with some scars and bruises , mentally and physical. Seriously. And Raya was splendid! The whole family headed to Terengganu , and we spent every night at the beach and a day at the Sekayu Waterfalls. Don't mention the pictures , we had about 4 photographers in the family . Awesome right , I know HAHA I sound so lame. Blablabla exam was okay , I scored A for accounts woohooooo -.-

I'll write some more later , gotta go. Ttyl&hearts

Sunday, July 25

Strike three , you're out!

Hello,
Well , please mind my previous post. I was just pissed. How stupid bitches can get these days. No , I am not saying I am entirely nice. I am not saying I am totally angelic. But to hell with it, I do not mingle with someone's boyfriend, you don't even know me. Stop assuming you do. I don't waste my life like you do. Creating a scene just to be noticed , pfth. I've done some damage every now and then , but I don't change my bestfriends like I change my clothes. That's the reason why they are even called bestfriend , cause we trust them and we don't accuse them anything. If you're the one that's been changing friends , look again , it's you that has issues. Not them , not me , not him , not her. Just you. Get it ? Stop seeking for attention. Call me a bitch , call me a whore , call me whatever you prefer. But who I am is who I will always be. Live with it , if you can't then go fuck yourself. You're only the third party in my life , you don't hold any important role. I don't need you :) So please stay the fuck away from me , you're creating too much scene , rimas tahu tak?

Hah okay whatever. Yesterday was a typical Saturday. Woke up early to help mama serve breakfast, well I do this only when papa's not around. I would always accompany her. That afternoon me , my sister and my mom felt like drinking smoothies and have some salad. So headed to Pizza Hut, it was just nice having to laugh and talk with them. Head home and Thariq called up saying he's picking me up. Around 9pm I took off to Ayang's place , for Arwah Abang Shahnaz's tahlil. Met Siti , Sya , Anis , Shidy and some other people. Arrived home around 12am , and somehow I fell asleep -.-

I met my fav boys too. I had fun , so much fun with them. Thanks again for coming all the way from Taman Tun , boys :)

What a day , I'd do anything to repeat last night. Let me be the only person that knows why.

Icky

Friday, July 23

I miss you , boy

*click for better view*

He was showing off , haha. But yeah , i miss him :')

Wednesday, July 21

Be done with it

Run , run as fast as you can. You're going to come to an end and you'll realize you wasted you're breath running away from something you can never avoid.


TRUTH.

Some say it's an option , some say it's acceptable , some say it causes a whole lot of pain. No matter what you say about it, it's still what it is. Some are better left unsaid , some are better spoken , some are better not knowing. But if it happens , no need to deny nor lie. You can't run anywhere.

Accept it. Swallow it. Face it. Be done with it.

Time will tell or tear everything apart.
Better yet, time will surely heal.

That's where the pain starts, waiting. Well, goodluck is all that's left to say.

You're back

Is it me you're looking for ? I want to tell you so much , I love you.

You came back. You actually did, right when I thought you never would. I'm going to give this another shot, I'm taking the risk. Cause it's you. You are you , no one else but you. That's why, stop asking. Let's make this ride as slow as we can, avoid any bumps in the way. Push away everything, it's just me and you. Truth be told , I miss you.


How life turns out



"It's funny how life turns out , the way that it does. We end up hurting the worst , the ones that we really love"

Hey hi ,
So I just came back from the school field. Was with Julie , but then I had to leave early. Something came up.

I now realize that we don't always get what we want , and things don't always happen the way it should. No matter how bad we hope for it , no matter how we hard we try , and even if you wish upon a star , it may not go the way you want it to. Note to self , prepare for the worst. That's the fact , don't bother denying. You're only fooling yourself.

I've hurt enough people, I've caused enough damage, I've tried more than enough and I've screwed up just about enough. I think I should just slow down, enough thrills. Then again, I'm better than I was before. I feel great , I feel a whole lot better infact. Knowing that I've made my parents have less headaches about me , and I can now mix in with my siblings again pretty much satisfy me. It's like I achieved something not only I've wished for , but also my family. Laugh all you want , or say whatever you want to say. I just want a brighter future, I think you should too. Living a life like this is not that bad , not bad at all.

I'm still breathing.

One day , when my school years are over , I'll think back of all the hard times and consequences. And then I'll say to myself that..

I SURVIVED & I WON.

The best satisfaction ever.

Icky

Sunday, July 18

Happy growing older :)

Yes , last night was their celebration. Leppo's was on 7th July , Anep's is coming on 26th July and Sasa's next on 29th July. So they celebrated it all in one night. The barbecue wasn't all that , but somehow I had fun just being there with them .

There were people I barely meet these days. I was glad I had Aten , Ecah and Farah with me. I also met Zeyra, Adam, Sippy, Emir, Affiq, Rahman and the list goes on. It was nice. Although I didn't get to eat, thanks Omar for getting the drink for me and Affiq actually accompanying me all through the night.

Heading to curve later to meet up with Dider. Yes, that some sort annoying 2nd cousin of mine. Ladies , he is single. Definitely haha. Thinking of meeting up with them boys there in TTDI , but heck i know E is going to be there, so nevermind, i'll pass. Can't wait for school tomorrow. I miss ze girls already.

Icky

He said ,

The Fidot says:
hahaha . yeahh , i mean icky ,
fuck them laa , why bother what they think of you ?
dorang just third party that doesnt play any role in your life

Thanks Fidot :)

Not anymore

Don't you just miss back then in kindergarten ? Or maybe before you entered highschool life ? Well, I do. A lot.

When I was 4 , I went to some chinese kindergarten in Kajang. It looked like a castle , colorful castle that is. Huge , and a swimming pool on the rooftop. Think back , I have no idea why the hell I cried my ass off hugging my mom's leg, begging not to leave me. That place was a place any girl would ever wish for. But I was terrified somehow. With all the crowd , unknown people and having the thought of making friends. But then came up one sweet chinese girl. Her name is Mei Li Chua. She introduced her self and I was surprised when she held my hands and walked with me to class. She was my bestfriend. The only thing that ended our friendship was that I had to move to Johor. Not because of betraying. Not because of hypocrisy. Not because of some bitch or asshole. No, all that didn't exist in my life dictionary , not yet.

When I was 8, I settled down in Sabah. I was nervous for my first day. Thinking maybe I wouldn't fit in or maybe I wouldn't understand what they were saying. Well, obviously I was wrong. I was welcomed. Then a girl raised her hand to inform the teacher that there's an empty seat beside her. Her name is Maizatul Akma. Yes , her curly hair tied in a pony tail , really fair skin and real round eyes. She is my bestfriend. And again , the only thing that separate us was the fact I had to move here, Shah Alam. But the 2 years friendship lasts till today. In 2007 I went back to Sabah for a vacation. I could still remember her number. I dialed the digits then she picked up and surprisingly she recognized my voice. 4 years and she could still remember. I'm glad I still have her as a friend till today and I hope someday I would get to meet her again.

But as we grow up, all we aim for is to impress people. Finding the right shit to do so that we would fit in with the latest trend. We have to party all day , go out at night , and have an amount of friends so we would be labeled as cool. Like being average is some sort of a disgrace , like a humiliation. Then again, think back , who are we trying to impress? What is there for us to win? In the end it's all going to come to a huge amount of waste! Bitch and backstab just to impress people with all the cool gossips. Fake a scene so that people would notice. Trying to be on top so that people know you're keeping up with the trend. Tell me , and then what? Are all those people going to be the friends that would stick up to you through your shits? Would those people stand infront of a bullet for you? Fuck it, hell no. Being proud of the shits you do ain't bringing you anywhere. Sure, you smoke weed, drink alcohol everynight and you make people think your parents doesn't care you go out at night. Yeah, you think it's cool. Yeah, people say you're fun. But how long can you keep up with all that? Until when are you going to keep on impressing people? One day, the trend changes and what you're doing would seem like 'so-last-year'. And it goes all over again and again. What the fuck.

And trying to impress a boy/girl by being someone you are not, is not going to make that relationship last. Sweet talkers are every where and sex maniacs are also loitering around the world. Boys who just want to keep up his standards would look for a girlfriend with gorgeous looks without bothering who she really is. Girls who just want to keep up her standards would look for a guy that's rich , owns a car with a face that would melt even your mother even if he is an asshole. And they just come and go without even thinking how bad it would hurt someone. Again, we still have to IMPRESS. Damn it.

Somehow I wish i could be 4 years old again. I don't even understand the meaning of betray. I don't even know what a bitch is. I don't even know how a broken heart feels like. I didn't even know where babies came from. Most of all, I don't have to impress and satisfy any blood sucking hypocrites. It would be nice just to go back to that time. But then again..

Not gonna happen.

This is just my point of view, how I feel. No need to get offended or hating on this post. It's just a thought, get it ?
Icky

Friday, July 16

Oh no you didn't

Such strong words but then again useless piece of crap. I knew from the start you were up to no good. You only wanted to watch me fall again. Oh baby, you're so wrong. I'm still standing and I ain't chasing for you. Not anymore. You and you're up tight attitude can go to hell. Somehow I did love you again , somehow all the memories came back , somehow all that made me want to have you all the time , somehow it made me want to make this work. Sadly , it did. But you showed the real you. You showed what you are actually up to. Who am I kidding ? I miss you retard. I miss that person I thought you were. Take care.

Another typical asshole

I deleted several posts cause somehow I regretted posting them. A big amount of waste. I knew I shouldn't trust him in the first place. And like I said , I won't be crawling back to you, I'm done with that. Don't you dare say it's my fault , cause obviously I was the one who tried my ass off to make this work. Damn it.

Things has been going a little out of hand lately , but somehow I managed to go through all the hectic. Thank you friends that has been there all through out my grieve time. Nothing really happened. I guess it's just my thoughts are driving me up the wall. I've been having thoughts that I shouldn't be thinking about. Some sort of a cause to a major breakdown. I hate these thoughts , and I hate the fact that it won't bloody go away. No matter what I do , no matter what they say , I will still be going through the same shit. It's like at this one moment I'll be laughing my ass off with bunch of friends and the next I'll be sitting alone having thoughts I despise so much. Blahhh it's just another part of life , keep that in mind Icky. I'm okay. Not bad nor great , just okay. I keep yelling to my self " GET THE FUCK UP ICKY" and it somehow worked , well not for long that is. It's worth a shot.

Fuck this and that , I promised myself I'm on my way to better days. What the hell am I doing being all down and shits, I am a better me. Riight.

Icky

Taken from Atikah Aliah

9 Deadly Words Women Use

  • Fine - This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up.
  • Five Minutes - If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the rubbish, so it’s an even trade.
  • Nothing - This is the calm before the storm. This means “something”, and you should be on your toes. “nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
  • Go Ahead - Usually this is a dare, not permission. So dont do it. At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. One that will result in a woman getting upset over it. And sometimes it means "I give up" or "do what you I dont care".
  • Loud Sigh - This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “nothing”.
  • That’s Okay - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. “that’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done.
  • Thanks - A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome.
  • Thanks A Lot - This is much different from “thanks.” Its a PURE sarcasm. A woman will say, “thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way.

Monday, July 12

What a day ,

Oh just another typical Monday. Well , not so typical. I got a new classmate , hihi guess who ? Yeah , my very bestfriend, Fatin Izyan :) Felt great knowing that she would be there just beside me, always. We sit next to each other in class and I guess that just pretty much complete my days in school. Welcome to SSAAS baby. Finally.

Went to Sunway today, ate like a cow. 1901 , A&W waffles and burger, Baskin Robbins, and lastly kebab. I am a fat fat happy girl :) I tried not to buy anything just cause I really want to wait for the end of this month. I'll definitely shop till I drop. I hope. And that was pretty much it. Nothing really happened today. Got home and called him , blabla ate dinner blabla played guitar blablabla here I am now. Cramping my butt in front of the laptop zzz

Oh one more thing, Khalis my man , enough with the fights alright? It was an accident and a stupid misunderstanding. Chill. Both of you are bestbuds , stop it with the punchings , it ain't making me happy at all. Infact , I hate it. A LOT. And you too Anep. Enough is enough.

Icky

More than words

Imprinting on someone is like...like when you see her, Everything changes. All of a sudden, its not gravity holding you to the planet. It's her... Nothing else matters.

- Jacob Black

Truth spoken. I love you.

Sunday, July 11

A bitch from hell

Funny.

How one repulsive idiotic lifeless bitch can ruin your life in a snap.


Bitch , please , find someone else's life to bitch around.

..YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK.
Amazing how life turns out the way that it does
We end up hurting the worst, the only ones we really love

-anberlin

I think..

I think..
I think...

Somethings are better left unsaid.

..or forgotten

Click pause and rewind

Can you imagine life without feelings ?

Like an empty cup,
Like an inflated balloon
Like an empty cookie jar
Like the day without the sun
Like the night without the moon
Like the earth without gravity

Some might get hurt
Some might be happy
Some might be scared
Some might get shocked

Ever imagined if you never felt any of that?

Isn't that the best part of breathing ? You'll never know what's coming.

Done and done.

Finally watched Eclipse last night. It was okay, loads of killing . The new born vampires were all killed in the end, and byebye Victoria. Edward managed to break her to pieces. And i realized how Alice and Jasper are so sweet together, like seriously.

Somehow i cried watching it. Jacob was hurt badly in this movie, more than he was in New Moon. It's like , I've been through the same shit. Like what he said , "you have no idea how much i wish that it was enough". Enough. Enough. ENOUGH. It's never enough. Life's a bitch and then you die, face it.

I got out from the cinema half way through the movie to look for Madd. Yeah, the birthday boy. I called him and he told me to come down. There i saw him sitting alone on the floor doing some work. I sat down with him for 15 minutes. Talked a bit and gave him box of cigarettes. I didn't know what else to get for him , it was a last minute visit. Thank God he liked it. I gave him a hug and went back in the hall. That was probably it.

Report card day? Woahwoahwoah, not that good nor bad. Some minor misunderstanding happened but then again, mama and papa was impressed with what the teacher said about me :-) Everything is stabil, well for now that is. Aslkshdskheuaxcskrlhefaksjalh k bye.

Icky

Thursday, July 8

Ladidadidada

You can't trust everyone you meet
They won't amount to anything
Go tell them it's not as simple as you think

- A day to remember

Another from me,

Speak up! Let the whole world know who you truly are.
Those who matter won't mind. Those who mind don't matter.

Sincerely,
Icky

My very own painkiller

It's kinda stupid how people these days would just state out how I got no friends. Just because I don't go out much , doesn't mean I automatically turn out to be friendless. Who in the hell told you anything like that ? It's either you're blind or own a repulsive stupid brain. I may not have that amount of friends you people think of , but somehow all the friends I have now is all that I need.

Lately people has been asking what's wrong with me , just because I deactivated my FB ? What the hell , what does my act have anything to do with FB . The only reason I deactivated my FB is because I don't want to be around the crowds anymore. It's to tacky and it would somehow mess up my emotions and thoughts. Knowing what's going on with half the state and actually having to impress people just so people would add you up and communicate with you, what's the point? Even if I had hundreds of friends in my friendlist , I don't think they would actually be there when I actually needed them. I don't think they're even true friend material. Been stabbed more than enough.

I bet if I still had my facebook right now , I would come across to more haters who would just do simply anything to make my life a living hell. It would be better this way. I've got rid of those useless people screwing up with my thoughts, and here I am with the ones I need the most. They've been here with me , through my rough stage of life. Besides my family though. Honestly , deleting my facebook made me realize how life can turn out so much better without all the publicity and socializing. I'm not saying it's bad , I'm just saying that it would be nice to actually have a limit.

No doubt that there would people saying shits about me once they actually read this. Saying how lame, how sad my life is, how boring and lifeless. I don't give a shit anymore. As fas as I'm concerned , before all the changes I've made , I was a wreck. I was a girl with a broken heart, trying to find myself , so vulnerable , so intense and definitely having a tough time trusting people. Trying so hard to actually heal myself. Laugh all you want, but deleting facebook and getting rid of all the unwanted humans out of my life, somehow helped me go through all that. I am not fully healed , but I'm on my way. Ditto!

I am now stronger

Icky

The only reason why


Ecah & Farah , my two favourite girls♥

Khalis my mann (:


And again .


Zuhairy , Anep , Nazrin & Khalis .


Top : Khalis , Anep & Nazrin
Bottom : Shafiqah , Maisha & Farah


Shafiqah , Maisha & Farah


Aan , Khalis & Anep


Maisha , Krol , Khalis & Nazrin



Farhan Roslan .

The only reason why my day in school is worth being there

Saturday, July 3

Coming Soon

I can't bloody wait for Eclipse 8)

When the going gets tough

As each second past by , you will age. You’ll go through life stage by stage. Childhood seems to be the best , you can roll in the mud , run around naked , and you won’t fall inlove and get hurt. Mummy and daddy reads bed time story , and tuck us in bed with a kiss on the forehead. You don’t have exams to think about , and all you do is sleep eat and play all day. You don’t have to think as much as you have to think at the next stage. Then you’ll grow up to turn out to be an adult , mature or immature , that depends. You’ll see chaos and massive hoohaa run by your naked eyes. There you’ll know even the person you think you can always count on , and that person you call bestfriend is the person that would turn out to be the perfect betrayer. Or maybe that person you seem to hate so much , is the person that’ll lend you a hand in the end. You’ll fall in and out of love , get yourself hurt with a very big scratch on your heart. You intend to find someone better to heal that pain , and the thing goes all over again. You’re gonna have fights with your bestfriend , and see that friends come and go. Getting hurt or betrayed will seem like the end of the world to you, and you’ll feel like jumping off a building at that very second. You hate getting hurt but you won’t even realize that you did the same to someone else. You’ll see jealousy and ego is the reason why World War happened. You’ll hate the fact that we don’t always get what we want , and you still have to live with it. You’ll blame people for your own mistakes cause you don’t want to be the bad guy. And then in a blink of an eye , you’ll realize you just wasted your lifetime being down all the time. Life’s too short and karma’s a bitch. So laugh all day , think before you act , choose your friends right , speak up when you have the chance and love like you’ve never been hurt before. Every second you spend by being upset and angry , you’re wasting a big amount of happiness that you can never get back. Yesterday is a lesson to be learned , today is a new chapter and tomorrow will remain a mystery;

I’ll cherish yesterday , as a lesson to be learned
I’ll live today , as the bright lights are calling
I’ll dream tomorrow , as i run towards a brighter light
Yesterday is kept , today is now , and tomorrow is coming.
I’ll be here standing strong , hoping not to fall .

Do what you have to do ,

Speak louder so they can hear
Say it right so they understand
Build the trust so they would believe
Prove them wrong so they would back down
Stand up tall so they won’t push you to the ground
Make them believe you are who you are
They say what they wanna say , but we believe what we should believe.

Sincerely,
xoxo Icky

Truth spoken.

Bestfriends ditch ,
Friends bitch ,
Boyfriends cheat ,
And then we’re left weak.

There will always be someone out there that would kill to watch you fall.
Face it , life’s a bitch and then you die. But why waste it by satisfying all those hypocrites ?

Step by step,

It has been one hell of a week. I ranked 2nd in my class , that is definitely something for me. It was nice seeing my mom smile the whole day, it was nice that my brother told all his friends about it , it was just.. nice :)

I got the highest mark for English , it's not all that but yeah , the teacher was somehow proud of me. Infact every single teacher was impressed , i was that girl that was barely in class during lessons and all i failed was one subject. Yeah, one bloody fucking subject. Guess? Yeah, it's Economy. Well , i never really liked it and I was planning to drop it anyways. Take Arts instead (Y) I was also happy to see Cikgu Huda smile when she told me my results, she was worried about me since the day i got suspended. Glad all that's over. Next : August Test *sigh

So i went out with my brother last night. He took me out for dinner and a movie. Decided to head to Sunway and randomly pick any movie that was on. We were lucky the cinema wasn't crowded , pretty easy to get the tickets. We watched She's Out of My League. Damn it, fucking hilarious and gay. There was this one moment my brother laughed and the whole cinema was silent , stupid -.- Whatever it is , we both had fun until we reached Rasta lol , dull as ever. Half of it was dark , but the toilet was fucking dark so decided to take off and head to McD , cause i needed to pee badly. Mel tagged along. Since we didn't have anywhere else to go, we decided to drop by Laundry Bar. Sadly, it was also dull , pfth Damansara seemed dead .

I'm happy with where i'm at right now. I'm happy how things are going. No more complication , no more hesitations and definitely no more expectations. I'm done with my past, i'm done doing the same mistakes. At least i hope so. I'll keep in mind to keep on inhale and exhale, quit satisfying those bloodsucking hypocrites. I've got my family , my indeed limited needed friends, and a new beginning . What more can i ask for? *smiles*

2nd site ,


Do visit :)

Thursday, June 24

I wish you knew.

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now."

I'm still trying to arrange the exact words in the correct order so that you would somehow believe how sorry I truly am. Losing you once was enough pain , but losing you again might hurt more than just too much. If only you knew how much i needed you at this exact moment. If only you knew how much you mean to me. And if only you knew what i meant when I said that you're amazing in your very own way. Someway , somehow , I wish you knew that
I miss you :'(

Icky

Bitterly addictive pleasure,

"Someone taught me that I have to move on like the rest of the world and to stop living on a bunch of yesterdays"

Love? So many to talk about this one not-so-simple yet common topic. Everyone has their own perception about love, and as for me , i would have to say it's some sort of addictive bitter pleasure. It gives you both pain and delight , a whole mixed up feeling you can ever imagine.

As wicked as it is , somehow for people it's still the best feeling ever. If and only if things go the way you expected. And if it goes the other way around , say hello to your new bestfriend , misery. You'll start to feel so low , so insecure and in a lot amount of pain that you can ever imagine. That's just how the way it goes.

Although as painful as it is , you'll still be needing it day by day. You'll always need that one person to love and that one person that could love you back. You know somehow someday you would get hurt again , but we would always push away all that and go for it. And just give it another shot. In the end , the same thing happens. Either one of us would get hurt and stray away from the crowd for quite some time. It even causes suicide , which is alternately idiotic but quite rare. I barely hear those kind of drama , but i bet there is. Humans these days just don't know the exact place to store the brain , sad , i know.

Some get hurt badly till they feel like never wanting to fall inlove ever again , which is such a lie. Not only you look like an idiot lying to yourself , you're also growing your fear instead of pushing it away. Me ? I wouldn't say i'll never fall in love again , i know i will , someday somehow someway. But maybe i've had too much thrill ride for now. Let's take a break , maybe a cup or two cups of tea would do the trick. And i know , once i'm back my feet , i'll meet another repulsive asshole that's just going to do the same shits like the rest did. But who knows if he's not ? Who would ever know what's at the end of the tunnel. If he shows he's obvious stupidity with 'heartbreaker' labelled on his forehead , escape while you can , honey.

Be wise , be ready , be strong. That's all in the ABC of growing up. Never fear of being inlove , never fear of never being loved; put aside your looks or whatever that is humans search for these days, you will eventually meet that one person who would just love you although how loud you burp in public or how bad you look when you wake up. There will always be someone who would always look at you and get butterflies in the tummy. Don't give up just because one silly crush turned you down , it's too soon to stop. Life is about moving on , keep on walking cause we need to find out the ending of this repulsive chaotic life. Love is indeed a strong feeling that would make you bleed or just give you the satisfaction you can ever ask for. Love is my very own addictive bitter pleasure.

Icky

Topsy turvy

I guess i forgot to mention that i'll be away on weekdays . Well , i'll be away on weekdays haha .

It's the 4th day since school started. First day was awesome. I realized how much i missed being around the chaos in class. It felt great being around every single each of them. And got mostly all the papers , and daaaamn i got 40/80 for addmaths paper 2 , zzz. Oh 47.5/80 for accounts paper 2. Damn it. It wasn't how i expected it would be, *sigh

S is mostly out of the picture right now , i pissed him off for the last time. I don't know how else to say sorry though , he has been so caring but yet i blew it. I keep screwing up , sue me .

Today was dull. I was in a bad mood , besides period pain , i was just not feeling so good. I'm sorry i yelled at you Khalis. I really am. Everything seems so wrong lately , gotta build up more confidence in myself , pfth

Icky

Saturday, June 19

A feeling i can't deny


Yeah these are half of them. That's Khalis , Khairul , Irfan and Aan. The rest would be Anep , Zuhairy , Ajiem and Fazrul. Who are they? They're my classmates, the only reason i love being in class. Despite the annoying teachers. Khalis is one hell of a cheerful boy, he never stops singing. He's like the jukebox in class. Annoys almost everyone in class but yet such a great friend. Khairul , Irfan and Aan just loves to crack up jokes. Say one word and they can elaborate in to stupid jokes. Zuhairy and Anep are like partners in crime. They go everywhere together , sounds gay but hey they both have lovely girlfriends. And both of them are the one's that never really stress out plus both of them loves sleeping in class, especially during BM haha. Ajiem and Fazrul loves to spend time with the phone and watch band videos on youtube. But heck, they can be very fun once you actually talk to them. Btw, Ajiem is a so called daddy to me haha. These boys definitely know how to have fun and i love em to bits :)


The two girls up here would be Farah and Ecah. These two are not even a quarter of the rest. The rest would be Maisha , Balqis , Shafiqah , Amirah , Afini and Idzaty. Woah do these girls love gossip. Maisha is like my partner in class , we talk about almost anything. So is Farah and Ecah. We can make fun out of anything. Sing out loud , laugh like no one's watching , and check out any boy that passes by haha. They're full of fun. Balqis , Shafiqah , Amirah , Afini and Idzaty are like the gossip girls in class. Loads of gossips i tell you. Sit down for 5 minutes and you know about half of the school . They are freaking loud , they make the class look like a night club. Haha but they really do know how to make a girl laugh. I love each and everyone of them :)

This feeling i have for them , i can never deny. They really do hold an important role to me. One day i was crying my ass off over some stupid matter, each and everyone of them had their own way to make me feel better. There was Khalis wiping off my tears , Maisha rubbing my back , Ecah and Farah holding my hands, Anep and Zuhairy making me think of that matter the other way around , and the rest was just helping me go through it. Somehow, they mean more than just too much. And this one time , it was Sejarah , i was skipping class as always, with the common people who always does , Zuhairy Anep Khalis and Khairul. And suddenly i saw the whole class loitering around the building. The best part was the teacher is in class but then there was none in it. Haha we are some class. Yeah , we are 4 Efisyien 2010 , no teacher can ever stand us. Bottom line , they make my day in school worth being there :)

Popcorns and coke,

From left : FACE , BA , Murdock , Hannibal

Well , i watched A team last night with my family. There was 16 of us , damn it. The movie was nice , i laughed all the way. Oh and Face is so ... nyummy (?) hahaha . We watched it at Tropicana Mall. Seems like that's a new favourite spot for Mama to watch a movie. It's been twice this week we watched a movie there. I don't really mind, cause yeah i get to meet Madd each time i head there, tehee.

Half an hour after the show started , i headed to the toilet and Madd was infront of the toilet. So i invited him to go for a smoke. He brought his friend along. I can't really recall the name. Sorryyyy haha. But it was a fun 15 minutes though. I'm heading there again tonight or maybe tomorrow. Toy Story 3D yo . Me liiiike.

This that this that , nothing much happened. Pretty dull , but what the heck. All i could think about right now is school. Damn it i can't wait. I can't imagine how much i would miss school once i finish SPM *sigh

Friday, June 18

I can't wait through everything ,

I can't help but just laugh reading back all the post since 2008. I was so .. clueless. Yeah , that's the word i was looking for. Clueless. Everything to me back then seemed so wrong. It's like to me , nothing could ever turn out better. I didn't even try to make myself feel better. All i did was sit alone and get all emoshits. And all i ever wrote was how depressed i was. Not that i don't anymore , but back then i elaborate maybe a lil bit just too much.

Think back, the way you think is the key to happiness. It all depends on you. Not the way people treat you , think about you , judge you or even the way they accept you. And as you grow up , you're thoughts expand. Well not all of us that is, some thoughts just simply shrink. Sad, i know.

Okay sure, what people think of you and how they treat you may effect your thoughts and emotions. But look, if someone treats you like you're some piece of crap, do you prove to that person that you are some piece of crap? No. That is just going to make people take advantage, which would suck even more. So stop sucking your own life. Happy thoughts. Yeah, that would be a good start. Try it.

I didn't say this was easy. Hell no it ain't. What is easy in life? It gets tougher as you grow up. You don't walk around and have no problem at all. Everyone has problems , no doubt about that. And the only one who can solve it is yourself. No one else but you. Sitting down and watch everything collapse isn't a way to solve anything by the time situation gets tougher. I repeat, THAT IS NOT THE WAY. Make your life worth living. Stop wasting it by feeling so crappy and hating yourself. If you do , then you're not going anywhere. You'll be stuck. And that pretty much sucks. Big time!

Me? I didn't say i was on the right track. I'm pretty much messed up, but i also didn't say that i wasn't trying. Trust me, i haven't tried doing anything as hard as i'm trying now. Advices and insults are two different things. Insults are painful. But advices , are medicine to your soul. As bitter as it is , you still have to swallow it. Bit by bit , it'll make a difference. And again , it all depends on you whether to take it or leave it. Take note : Why the hell should you care about someone who doesn't even give a shit about you? Keep that in mind and you'll be fine. I hope.

Long lost son ,

It has been a while since i last talked to this son of mine. Yes , i'm talking about Rahman. Lol, he disappeared since he continued studies. Anyways, we had a talk just now and it was nice. He told me to be proud of this :

aman says:
eh nnti jmpa lahh
rindu you do
bangga sikit haha
got to go , later mummy !

And yes , he still does call me mummy. Aww :')

Smell the coffee ,

Hello world :)

Woke up pretty late today. Duhh, i was on the phone with Afiq till 6am , zzz . He made me feel better somehow. Although he kept making creepy voices and saying there's something at the corner of my room and under my bed. Sheeeeesh! But yeah , he really does know how to cheer me up :)

So i was told by the boys he screwed up again , and this time he pretty muched ticked off everyone. They said he has gone way too far. What the hell is wrong with you, fool ? Your actions has been unbelievably stupid. All i can say is , goodluck mending back the pieces you broke.

I just ate spicy chicken mcdeluxe and pineapple passion mcflurry , add on some fries and shake. Yes , i eat a lot and i don't give a fuck :) And holly shit i am indeed full . I wanna laze around and watch Life Unexpected for hours till my butt cramp